8 Days a Week…

Hawk_Thursday30Thursday, 30

Sanctus Real and Hawk Nelson, Benton County Fairgrounds, 110 SW 53rd St. 7:30 p.m. $6

The county fair is back. Thursday night is a night reserved, if I understand the description, for Faith and Family. It’s called Faith and Family Night, and it features handsome Canadian Christian rockers Hawk Nelson, as well as less handsome American Christian rockers Sanctus Real. If you’re not familiar, Hawk is sort of like Maroon 5 mixed with Fallout Boy mixed with a bunch of dudes who really like Jesus. Sanctus Real is more like Coldplay mixed with Mumford and Sons mixed with a bunch of dudes who really like Jesus. So if you’re interested in any of those four bands, or Jesus, this should be an amazing show for you.



Corvallis Knights vs. Klamath Falls Gems, Goss Stadium, 430 SW Langton Pl. 6:40 p.m. $6

My in-laws live in Klamath, so it will be with no small amount of personal satisfaction that our hometown Knights will undoubtedly destroy these chumps. And since it’s basically now a tradition to rip on the other team’s name in this section: Gems? Seriously, Klamath Falls? You are, of course, aware the traditional purpose of the mascot as it applies to organized sports is for the mascot to somehow strike fear in the heart of the opponent. Like a Knight does. The Gems does not exactly instill the sense of fear and respect in our guys that you probably hoped it would…


Friday, 31

Foghat, Benton County Fairgrounds, 110 SW 53rd St. 8 p.m. $6

This night of the county fair is Classic Rock Night, and it features motherf*cking Foghat! If you look up Foghat’s superclassic “I Just Want to Make Love to You” on YouTube, the first comment is by a dude named John Storm, whose avatar is a bearded Kurt Russell, and it is as follows: “F*ck hippies. This song is bada*s, don’t associate such a good song with your filthy hippy nonsense.I feel that pretty much sums up why you should go see Foghat for only six stupid dollars. Also, this kicka*s show is wrapped lovingly in an all-weekend county fair, so you can totally hit that up as well.

Adieu Caribou and Michaela Hammer, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free

Non-Foghat or Jerry Joseph show of the week alert. Adieu Caribou is cutely named, but they’re hiding some seriously likable indie/folk/pop in those guitar cases. If you’re looking for good poppy songs about getting dumped (and who isn’t really?), then these guys should be just right. For free with Corvallis’ own Michaela Hammer? That’s a steal. And not just because I heard rumors that Michaela’s biological father MC will be in attendance. Though it certainly doesn’t hurt.


Saturday, 1

Hello Dollface, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free

Colorado indie soul, for free in Corvallis. What a world. Hello Dollface is dripping with the kind of music school proficiency you get from a bunch of professionals with music degrees. This band is even toting a doctor of music on flute. Does any of that make them better than your average free band at Bombs? Yes it does, plebe. Now enjoy this savvy vibing destined to be NPR’s “Blahblah of the Whatever” at some point in the near future. Be ahead of the curve.


Johnny Limbo and the Lugnuts, Benton County Fairgrounds, 110 SW 53rd St. 9 p.m. $6

These guys could be almost anything and I’d believe it. That’s a good name for a punk band, a doo-wop band, a glee club-style group of a cappella rangers, a kids’ show, a food truck for robots—the mind reels. JL&L actually play 50s-style diner music for you and your leather jacket-clad friends to stand in a semi-circle and snap your fingers to. They’ve been rocking hard for 37 years, and are sure to put a smile on your face, and potentially other body parts. What, you’ve never gotten a nipple smile? I’ll show you; meet me by the dumpster behind Chipotle at 6…


Sunday, 2

Blues Jam!, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free

It’s Sunday afternoon and you’ve really got two options: give in to the screaming pile of your DNA that is demanding to see Minions, or leave the kid with the babysitter (Nickelodeon) and kick back with a brew and some amateur blues. I know what I’d pick; your kid and a showing of Minions. Because, I assume, you’re paying for my ticket, and I’ve always wanted to see how much money I could get for a healthy human baby. You probably want to choose Blues Jam, though, because my guess is if you have kids, you are just about ready to murder all the Minions.

First Sunday Vocal Jam, Old World Deli, 341 SW 2nd St. 2 p.m. Free

This is so much better than the Second Sunday Vocal Jam, it’s not even funny. And don’t even get me started on Third. Maybe it’s because this one happens at Old World Deli, while the other ones are held in a makeshift interrogation closet that the CIA used to water board potential terrorists and Lakers fans. Old World Deli is one of my favorite places in Corvallis to not get extraordinarily rendered from or tortured to death in. So I’ll be there. Yeesh, that one got dark in a hurry…

Monday, 3

Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7:30 p.m. Free

Speaking of extraordinary renditions of things, Bryson Skaar absolutely murders a Duke Ellington tune. So if you’re not one of the 30 or so lusty octogenarians who usually make up an average Skaar show, become one. And if you are one of them, feel free to not become unsheathed from this mortal coil just yet. My dude is gonna tickle them ivories. And the black keys, too, let’s not forget he uses flats and sharps all the time. For some reason the black keys get forgotten when I use a flourish to describe what Bryson does.


Majestic Reader’s Theatre Auditions, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. Free

Auditioning for a play is a nerve-wracking experience. I mean, I wouldn’t know personally, because I don’t like putting myself out there for the judgment of my peers. But if you’re the type of rube who does, this is a great opportunity to have your nerves wracked. Reader’s Theatre is one of the most innovative and exciting things that regularly goes on at the Majestic, not counting the bong someone built into the toilet paper dispenser in the second floor men’s room. I don’t know how they did it, but trust me if you haven’t seen a play here recently, you have no idea what kind of a stationary bong you’re missing.


Tuesday, 4

Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free

CMNYK is getting evil and trippy and somehow they’re doing it with a movie made for kids. It’s the star-studded 1933 adaptation of Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland, starring Cary Grant, W.C. Fields, and Gary Cooper in addition to a massive cast of human and cartoon characters in a strangely forgotten masterpiece that should really be viewed on narcotics to be truly appreciated. I’ll be there, and coincidentally, so will my personal narcotics distributor. He’s the guy wearing Jncos and a glow-in-the-dark tongue stud, with a huge backpack that smells like weed.



Concert in the Park, Central Park, 650 NW Monroe Ave. 8 p.m. Free

Corvallis Community Band is back in the park, and all you really need to bring to enjoy them is a blanket and some booze. I suppose it’s conceivable for a person to enjoy this free performance in the failing light without inebriants. But I don’t like to roll the dice on unsure things like that. So I’ll be here with a CamelBak filled with grain alcohol, as usual.

Wednesday, 5

Jerry Joseph and the Jackmormons, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $10

Uhhh, yeah. If you’re not at this show I straight up hate you and your stupid bad taste having face. Jerry Joseph is a goddamn American treasure, not to mention a 2015 Oregon Music Hall of Fame inductee. Check him out at Bombs for the (by Corvallis standards) astronomical price of $10. Trust me, it’s worth it. Joseph and his Jackmorons put on a wild and rambunctious rock and roots show that will blow your face off. Better with booze, like almost everything else in life. If I had to choose between going to this show and my child’s bar mitzvah, I’d probably go to the bar mitzvah, but I’d resent that snotty little douche of a kid for the rest of his life.


Mango Django, Central Park, 650 NW Monroe Ave. 7:30 p.m. Free

My well-known proclivities toward the Hilltop Big Band would normally leave me rather lukewarm on the Mango edition of this free concert series. But HBB is playing at Starker on Thursday, and I have been avoiding eye contact with members of Mango Django for long enough. So here it is, the feud is over. Even though they didn’t invite me to their last dinner party, and then when we ran into each other at the grocery store they acted like my invite got lost in the mail—you know what? I won’t rehash it all. Let’s just move on and live in truth. Mango Django, I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you’re happy with your choices. Oh, yeah, and Mango Django is playing for free in the park. Don’t miss it.

Thursday, 6

Hilltop Big Band, Hunks & the Hottie, and Meatbomb, Starker Arts Park, 4485 SW Country Club Dr. 6 p.m. Free

HBB in effect my people. Hunks & the Hottie and Meatbomb are also stalwarts of the local scene, but let’s not be disingenuous with each other. Hill Top Big Band is the get here. What a bargain, for free, at the gorgeous Starker Arts Park. If it weren’t for the dangerous game of live ammo Civil War-era dueling LARP that will be going on just a stone’s throw away, I’d wholeheartedly recommend this event. As it is, I’m afraid you may want to bring a musket, or at least a small canon to enjoy this show. History lives.

Infinite Improv, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 9 p.m. Free

It’s not that I don’t love improv, because I do. Who doesn’t? It’s the infinite part that’s got me worried. I mean, do they follow you home? Are they difficult to shut up? Do they lock the doors and not let you out? In what sense exactly is it “infinite”? Once we nail down the answer to that question, I can’t think of a reason on Earth to skip this event. Oh, other than the flesh-eating wasps. Did I forget to mention them?