8 Days a Week…

FreeRange_Thursday2Thursday, 2

Free Range Open Mic Night, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8 p.m. Free

Free Grange Open Mic Night is sure to be a great time. I mean, once you get past the fact that granges were basically frontier bath houses where cowboys could have sex with each other in a judgment-free atmosphere, they really are great places to have shows. What’s that? Open Range, you say? That makes a lot more sense. I guess instead of my lube and cowboy hat I’ll just bring my open-mindedness toward new musical experiences… and my cowboy hat.

Infinite Improv, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 9 p.m. Free

Improv comedy can be great, so I’m all in for this event. Will I want it to go on without end in some sort of “infinite” improvisational loop? Of course not. Fortunately I’ve been assured by both staff and former audience members that the show does indeed have a finite ending. So don’t worry about that. Just start thinking of what words you’ll throw out when they ask for audience participation. When they ask for two nouns and a verb, don’t say, “Poop, dook, and pooping.” I’ve tried before, and it just doesn’t make for good comedy.

Friday, 3

Rainbow in the Clouds, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 10:30 p.m. Undisclosed cover

Rainbow in the Clouds is pretty much always the most bumping dance party in town, but something tells me in light of recent Supreme Court decisions, the party may be even more raucous and excellent this week. That’s right, party people, the Supremes just upheld states’ rights to execute inmates via the commonly used three-chemical lethal injection cocktail. I expect the DJs to spin some appropriately joyous music as we all celebrate. What’s that you say? Gay marriage? Are you sure? I haven’t seen anything about it on Facebook…

Farm Stand String Band, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $5

Farm Stand is a terrific little outfit that plays fun music anyone can enjoy. Is it Americana? Sure. Do I normally rip on that endlessly? Of course. But isn’t being really nice about it sort of stealthily sinister? It’s like the opening of Inglourious Basterds when Christophe Walz is creepily polite. Only, you know, I’m not a Nazi. Anyway, this is a really well-scheduled show in the sense that you can catch it and then mosey on over to Cloud’s for Rainbow fashionably late at about 11. We’ll make a night of it! Only, again, you know, with fewer Nazis.


Saturday, 4

Mid-Valley Belly Dance Collective, Old World Deli, 341 SW 2nd St. 7 p.m. Suggested donation: $5

OK, clearly you can go see fireworks… if you’re an unoriginal douche. If you’re looking for something a touch racier and less boring, though, there’s something about seeing the exposed midriffs of a bunch of enthusiastic dancers that just mixes really well with the smell of pastrami and stadium mustard. I don’t know if it’s the Belly Dance Collective’s main goal in putting on these shows in a deli, but it is a nice unintended consequence. Among the less pleasant unintended consequences is that I now get an erection when I smell rye bread…

Corvallis Knights vs. Victoria Harborcats, Goss Stadium, 430 SW Langton Pl. 6:40 p.m. $6

Now if you need fireworks, I bet these guys got ‘em. I’m also pretty sure “Victoria Harborcat” is the name of one of the super-old ladies on Downton Abbey. I’m not sure which came first, the stuffy and boring TV show or the bunch of losers who are going to get their Harborcat a*ses handed to them by the Knights. But one thing I am sure about is that you can get way farther streaking at a Knights game than at a Beavers game. The security is hella lax during the summer. You could go pop a buck-naked squat next to the third base umpire and he’d probably just ask you to step back a few feet so you don’t get a stray cleat in the genitals. Our national pastime…


BluesJam_Sunday5Sunday, 5

Blues Jam!, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free

If you need a mellow but still somewhat boozy way to come down from all the insane and exciting staring up at the sky you did on July 4, this is an option. Of course, you can also just check yourself into a rehab clinic and tackle that whole booze and fireworks problem you have. I mean, that would be the mature thing to do. I’m gonna go to Blues Jam, though. And I’m going to shout out requests that are just offensive-sounding song names I made up. I’m a real treat.

First Sunday Vocal Jam, Old World Deli, 341 SW 2nd St. 2 to 4 p.m. Free

I’ll be honest, I don’t have a clue what this vocal jam entails. Are people singing together? Are some of the people supposed to simulate the noises of instruments? Or is this an a cappella thing? Is it related to the Bible? Is it related to deli meat? The answers to these and probably a few other, more coherent, questions are available at this free and friendly monthly get-together.

Monday, 6

Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7:30 p.m. Free

B-Skizzle be mashing the keys at the ‘Gine every Monday, and it’s obvious why they keep bringing him back. Last week I was there before he set up his gear—the place was a ghost town. I literally saw a tumbleweed blow by and a corrupt sheriff measuring the loop on a hangman’s noose. Within five minutes of him sitting down to play, the place was packed tighter than your average ‘gine. Don’t miss out on Corvallis’ most reliable weekly gig.


Aladdin Open Auditions, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. Youth: 4:30 p.m.; Adults: 7 p.m.

This musical production of Aladdin promises to be one of the more exciting fall musical concepts to come out of the Majestic in a few years. The play is being done in British “panto” style, which hinges on audience participation among other quirks. So if I understand this correctly, I’m invited to buy a ticket, watch the show, and then in the middle of the second act I’m to walk up on the stage, interrupt the show, and give the leads some pointers on how to sing. Can I sing well, you ask? No, of course not. But this is audience participation. Prepare to enjoy my rudeness. Bear in mind, this is for auditions only, so show up if you hope to be in the musical itself, or if you want to laugh when people audition to make them feel bad. Either way, let’s grab a beer and a slice afterwards.

Tuesday, 7

Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free

Let me blow your minds real quick: it’s been a full year since Ygal started showing free classic movies every week at the Darkside. And some of you still haven’t been there to check it out. For shame. For the one-year anniversary on July 7, he’s got King Vidor’s classic adventure, Bird of Paradise (1932), and as a special treat, before the feature he’ll be presenting Charlie Chaplin’s silent short film Easy Street (1916), with Bryson Skaar and other local jazz greats playing the score live in the theater! And of course, it’s still all for free. Bryson Skaar and CMNYK teaming up? It’s called 8 Days Synergy. You’re welcome.



Concert in the Park, Central Park, 650 NW Monroe Ave. 8 p.m. Free

Look, a free concert in the park from the awesome Corvallis Community Band is a steal of a deal any day of the week. Why it has to be on a Tuesday and compete with free movies in an air-conditioned theater is just one of those mysterious philosophical quandaries of life, like why do bad things happen to good people? Or why is The Big Bang Theory still on TV? I don’t know the answer, but if you’re looking for nice outdoor chilling with a fabulous band, you could do a lot worse than this weekly picnic party.

Grinels_Wednesday8Wednesday, 8

Jenn Grinels, Troubadour Music Center, 521 SW 2nd St. Adults: $16; CFS members: $14

Corvallis Folk Society is doing you a solid once again by bringing an obscure, talented indie musician to town to softly and sweetly strum you into submission. This time it’s Jenn Grinels, and she’s just back from a successful European tour. Clearly Europeans know a lot more about stuff than us, otherwise why would they love Jerry Lewis, soccer, and socialism so much? I have a feeling Jenn is one of those subjects where their heads aren’t completely up their own a*ses. Miss this show at your own risk… (he said ominously to himself before slipping into a coughing fit and exclaiming he needs to quit smoking).

Wednesday Acoustic Live, Les Caves, 308 SW 3rd St. 8 p.m. Free

Who’s playing this week? Who knows? Publicizing events is really not businesses in this town’s forte. What I can tell you is that there will be free live music at my favorite restaurant in town this Wednesday. Well, free is a loaded term, I guess. You do have to buy something to be allowed to sit in there, as I learned recently when I just dropped in the other day with the seven dogs I walk for extra money. They were all like, “No animals in the restaurant!” “Please get out immediately!” “Dear God why are you naked while the dogs are all wearing outfits?!?” In addition to other overreactions…

Thursday, 9

Philomath Frolic, Rodeo Fairground, 502 S 13th St., Philomath. 4 to 10 p.m. Free

It’s becoming a yearly tradition that I point out what a missed opportunity it was that they chose to name the thing Frolic instead of Phrolic. But they also declined to hire me as their PR rep, so I can’t exactly pretend to not be a little bitter. But the Frolic is basically the best thing to happen anywhere near this town all year long, so don’t be an idiot and miss it. Also, I live really close—like really, really close, to the fairground, so if you hate this column and have been itching to let me know, just start egging the houses around the rodeo and you’re likely to hit mine at some point.

Now Brothers, Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St. Albany. 8 p.m. Free

Calapooia brings another terrific little free music event to you within a stone’s throw of a bunch of booze. Yes, please. I have to admit, at first I was going to mock the band name here as uninspired, but then I thought of it coming out of the mouth of my dad to me and my brother. “Now brothers…” he’d say, before driving us out to the middle of the forest and leaving us there with no supplies. I think it was to teach us a lesson about something… I can’t remember what now, though… Could it have been Jesus?