The Bombs’ website describes this looping shredmaster as an “axman.” I can’t vouch for how good a serial killer he actually is, but he’s pretty impressive with a guitar. So in lieu of paying to see him go all Freddy Krueger on stage, you can see him go all… I don’t know, Freddie Mercury? Curtis Monette, my friends; his music is better than the writing of the people who promote him.
Rough Jazz, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 7 p.m. Free
The last time I saw this band play, I had scraped-up knees and bandages on my elbows. Not having anything to do with their roughness, mind you, I just fell off my bike right before the show. Ironically, rough jazz is incredibly smooth. So seeing them for free, on a Thursday night, is a bona fide deal and half. More even, I’d go so far as to describe this as 3.267 deals.
Comedy Night at BAC, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free
Jeff Oliver may be the funniest Corvallisite not writing this column, so you should take advantage of his putting on this free stand-up comedy night at Bombs. I like to take advantage of shows like this by showing up and claiming to have some really rare disease, like Duane’s syndrome, which I actually do have, but then lying about how serious it is and using the ensuing pity to get on stage myself. Then you know the drill; it’s all non sequiturs, fragments of conspiracy theories, and curse words aimed at the elderly. So I guess what I’m saying is, bring tipping money.
Willamette Apprentice Ballet: Danse Quixotic, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 8 p.m. $15 ($10 for students, seniors, children; $5 for Oregon Trail cardholders)
They may not be the Moscow Ballet, but I’ll take these plucky en pointers over Putin’s squad any old time. USA! USA! USA! Megan Skinner’s dancers will be putting on a show featuring cuts from Don Quixote and Sylvia, with Spanish theme to spare. “Danse Quixote,” I just got that. Very clever.
Psuedoboss and the Dovecotes, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 10 p.m. $5
Pseudoboss melts faces. So if you’ve got one, leave it at home. I don’t have that much evidence to go on, but what little there is suggests they bring the heat. Also that evidence is mainly from a battle of the bands five years ago, so… staying power. Come see these veritable Methuselahs of the music scene at Bombs with the fresh-faced youngsters of the Dovecotes. Show of the week candidate right here.
Cascadian Groove Connection, Cloud & Kelly’s, 126 SW 1st St. 10 p.m. $5 or less
Yeesh. This type of music… isn’t for me. But if you’re the type to have earnest feelings about “jamming” than this funky outfit will likely mellow in your earholes like a beard in the froth. This Portland import is heavy on the guitars and the lead vocals, and light on the irony. If that’s for you, than you, to quote fair Beatrice, are not for me. But maybe you could do me a solid and go to this show and score me some shrooms? I want to go on a vision quest…
Just a Game Con, Elks Lodge, 1400 NW 9th St. $8 per day, $12 for the weekend
Matt’s Cavalcade is putting on a game convention right here in our backyard. And Corvallis is actually a healthy tabletop gaming town, so this could be amazing. But let’s be honest, it could also be incredibly pathetic. The only thing keeping PAX in Seattle from being the biggest virgin gathering in the Pacific Northwest is marketing money poured in by big game makers. So… yeah. It’s a gamble, a roll of the 12-sided die, if you will. I’ll be there, dressed as a Shivan Dragon being ridden by a Sengir Vampire. And if you got that reference, I’ll see you there.
Blues Jam!, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free
Blues jam at the ‘Pooia. My old friend, we meet again. Hey, not to make this awkward, but are you going to be an amateur get-together filled with some booze-lubricated jamming? Because if so, then I’m… going to be there. With bells on. Thanks for being reliable, Blues Jam. Though to be honest, now that Game of Thrones and Veep are back on TV, I’m afraid I’ll be much less reliable on Sundays. See you in four months, Blues Jam at the ‘Pooia.
It’s come to this, Bryson. My significant other says if I don’t separate my identity from yours, I’m going to be abandoned and I’ll grow old alone. What’s a die-hard fan of a local jazz pianist supposed to do? I didn’t think it was weird to get Bryson Skaar’s face tattooed on my right butt cheek. And to be honest I don’t think my hubby did either… it’s just after getting his face on my left butt cheek as well, things are getting crowded in bed. Still, don’t let that stop you from enjoying Bryson’s ivory-stroking genius at the ‘Gine. Every Monday. Every. Monday. EVERY. MONDAY…
Yoga in the Gallery, the Arts Center, 700 SW Madison Ave. 6 p.m. Suggested donation: $5
Alert the press. There’s a yoga class at the Arts Center. Is it the healthiest thing you can do this Monday night? Sure. Is it the most spiritual? Possibly. Is it an awesome and reputable touring band playing live at one of our many lovely local venues? No, it sure isn’t. But it’s literally the only non-Skaar event happening in town on Monday night, so please deliver your complaints to someone more sympathetic. I’ll be over at Bryson’s show. And then probably at his house afterwards, still badgering him for an autograph.
Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 2 and 7 p.m. Free
Laurence Olivier is back at CMNYK thanks to the expert curating of Ygal Kaufman. It’s 49th Parallel (aka The Invaders, 1941) for free at the Darkside Cinema. This one is an edge-of-your-seat variety of thriller about a U-boat full of Nazis who get stranded in Canada and try to sneak their way to safety in the (at that point) still neutral United States. It’s going to be another wild one at Movie Night, and this week there’s probably not going to be any serious discussion before the show. Just some good ol’ fashioned Nazi hunting. Bring your blunderbuss.
League of Women Voters, Corvallis-Benton County Public Library, 645 NW Monroe Ave. 7 p.m. Free
If the Internet is to be believed, this event will either be about climate change, or special taxing districts. Or, I don’t know, are those the same thing? I don’t even know. Nor am I welcome at this meeting for a half-dozen reasons not even including basic physiology. So I don’t know, let me know how it goes, I guess? I’ll be at Movie Night…
Earth Day Celebration with Jeez Loueez and 3 for Silver, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free
I hate Earth Day. And Earth. And everyone on it. So I’m just going for the music, because this is my show of the week. Jeez Loueez is bananas, and from Eugene. And 3 for Silver are better than their terrible band name. But in fairness, this is going to be a big, unwashed bunch of hippies slobbering weed-breath all over each other. So… yeah, show of the week here.
Fix Your Soil with Biology, Corvallis-Benton County Public Library, 645 NW Monroe Ave. 12 p.m. Free
Another Earth Day celebration here. This is a program to fix your soul—now wait a second. Only prayer, or certain hard drugs, can fix your soul. I’m not sure you should seek this meeting at the library over, say, your garden variety meeting in a church basement. Especially if you’ve really done some messed-up stuff. In fact, maybe you should be talking to a professional in the religious sector, or a psychiatrist even—what’s that? Oh soil. Yeah, that makes more sense. You can definitely fix that with this seminar.
Meet the Author: Douglas Perry, Grass Roots Books and Music, 227 SW 2nd St. 7 p.m. Free
This guy’s book is called Eliot Ness: The Rise and Fall of an American Hero. Eliot Ness is one of the coolest legends of American justice there is. He is credited with bringing down Al Capone, and less often, the Torso Killer of Cleveland. I haven’t read this book, but I’m still going to this event to hear awesome stuff about my hero. Won’t you join me?
Betsey Miller sings and plays lovely music for people inclined to enjoy such things. I prefer something tinged with a little more Norwegian black metal, so I’m going to stay at home and listen to Burzum while pouring wine stolen from a church on myself and sacrificing a goat. Or I’m going to watch Vikings on the History Channel. Either way, like, I’m not going to make it to this show, but again I stress, it will be lovely.