Hard Truths

By Sidney Reilly

Chip Carrying Shoulders

Well, there can be no other possible conclusion to be arrived at by this Sunday’s first slate of NFL games: Brandin Cooks, former OSU standout and rookie wide receiver for the New Orleans Saints, clearly reads “Hard Truths.”

A couple weeks ago, I cautioned you other fantasy football gamers to not draft Cooks, or at least to not draft him too early, as there was no way to trust him. He proceeded to set fire to the Falcons secondary en route to seven catches, 77 yards and touchdown in his professional debut. I don’t read lips, but rumor has it if you zoom in real close and slow it down, on the replay of his touchdown celebration, you can clearly see him saying, “Eat it, Sid!” 

Speaking of Assault Football

Semi-sincere outrage can really be a beautiful thing. We’ve already seen it play out once this year when the completely uncynical response to Donald Sterling’s racism resulted in him making a billion dollars in profit being forced to sell the team. Now the sincere outrage factory is at work again, this time over the suspension of Baltimore Ravens star running back Ray Rice for knocking his then-fiancé (now wife, ain’t love grand?) Janay Palmer unconscious in an Atlantic City casino elevator, and being caught on camera dragging her unconscious body out. For those who missed this one; he got a slap-on-the-wrist suspension from the NFL of only two games for the crime (which of course only paled in comparison to the slap-on-the-butt-and-wink punishment of almost nothing at all he received from the State of New Jersey). 

Obviously this sent many into a self-righteous, finger-wagging fit so bad they nearly sprained their wrists in their rush to tweet about it. And was only compounded when shortly after that, wide receiver Josh Gordon of the Cleveland Browns received a full year suspension for smoking weed, which many rightly pointed out was a disturbing message to send about the relative seriousness of those two crimes.

Now the Twitter contest to see who is most morally righteous gets another round, as video footage of the actual assault in the elevator has been released. It is, as you should have assumed from my blunt description, disturbing. Any Ravens fans hoping the video would reveal an improperly secured ceiling tile accidentally dropping and clocking Janay on the head were no doubt disappointed to discover the video shows a cold and seemingly emotionless Rice hitting her in the face, and then nudging her with his foot to see if she was awake. The only thing missing from the video, other than audio, is a shred of what might seem like alarm or regret on the part of Rice.

Suddenly everyone from usually crude humor bloggers to fellow players are calling for him to be cut from the team, banned from the sport, and thrown in the clink.

I’m just a little unclear on what people expected to see in the video. We already knew he assaulted his wife and knocked her unconscious. Why does seeing it actually unfold change our opinion on the punishment? And do we really get second chances at emotional satisfaction justice based on our extended outrage after the fact? Apparently we can try; Rice has now been cut by the Ravens and indefinitely suspended by the league. 

I would have just probably preferred it if the law had taken the proper steps of locking him up for a violent assault, thus preventing the league from having the opportunity to stick its cleated foot in its diamond-studded mouth by letting him play, and thus prevented the sickening flow of phony righteous indignation that Twitter hath now wrought.

Wait, Why Is Leonardo DiCaprio Wearing an OSU Hat?  

This is interestingly not a wholly new story; The Oregonian noticed years ago that Leo was either a fan of OSU sports, or a fan of hats, but that he had been seen out wearing gear with the orange O and S. Now The New York Times has an expose of a drug dealer who apparently had famous friends. The picture they dug up shows Leo, former UFC champ Georges St. Pierre and the dealer in question broing down at a nightclub. And everyone’s favorite heartthrob/Titanic casualty is sporting the black and orange in it.

I thought all the stoners liked U of O…    

 

Update: thanks to reader Babyshoes for pointing out the assault occurred in Atlantic City, New Jersey, not Las Vegas. The article has been corrected to reflect this reality.