Movie Review: The Hobbit: An Unsurprising, Unexciting Journey

What began with a promising glimmer quickly descended into a madhouse of excessive CGI, “tastes like chicken” humor, and utter nonsense (also known as the Hollywood modus operandi). Peter Jackson’s latest comedy proves that Uwe Boll isn’t the only guy that can take great pre-existing content, toss 85% of it in the dustbin, and shape the rest into a babbling turd. Honestly, it might have made more sense if they had called it “The Ejection of All The Brilliant Parts” and the characters had simply been rescued in the end by Optimus Prime and dropped off at a Taco Bell to the tune of “Call Me Maybe.”

Although I am a massive Tolkien fan and don’t deny being seriously irked based on that alone, I believe that anyone who has read The Hobbit will be left scratching their heads. Orcs? Long-dead characters inserted into the plot? Sigh. Having done great things in the past, you have to wonder why Jackson is so obsessed with stampeding all over the genius material that he receives (on a silver platter, no less) in order to just blow vapid schlock out of his hobbit hole and all over the audience.

If the ability to turn one of the most brilliant stories ever crafted into a parody of itself (and our culture in general) sounds impressive, run right out and see it while you still can.

by Johnny Beaver

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