On Saturday, December 8th, Corvallis’ roller derby league, the Sick Town Derby Dames, closed out their season with a grudge match against the Dropkick Donnas (the B team of one of the country’s top ranking leagues, the Oly Rollers of Olympia, WA). Sick Town’s S*M*A*S*H Unit went against the Dropkick Donnas in January of this year and were soundly defeated, 198-48; so this bout, they had something to prove—and boy, did they.
From the start it was a tight match, with S*M*A*S*H Unit’s strategy and teamwork pushing hard against the Dropkick Donnas’ speed and aggression. Sick Town had to work with everything they had, pulling ahead with power jams (when the Donnas’ jammer was in the penalty box) and dropping behind when S*M*A*S*H skaters spent time in the box. At halftime, it was anyone’s win.
And what a halftime it was. Kids got to take over the track for some games; men’s derby skater (and world record holder for longest quad jump) Speed Dealer entertained with his extreme jumps over rows of people laying on the track, working up to an epic jump over six people; and a marriage proposal rounded out halftime with a romantic note, when S*M*A*S*H Unit skater Chelle F.U. Up made her man very happy with a “yes.” Within minutes of the ring slipping on her finger, halftime was over and she was back on the track.
The second half was a nail-biter, with the Donnas gaining a steady 30 point lead. With one jam left, S*M*A*S*H Unit was still 22 points behind. In a daring move, S*M*A*S*H didn’t give super jammer and fan favorite Stitches ‘n Bones the jammer star, and instead had Hot Boxxx, a Sick Town veteran blocker and sometimes-jammer, line up at the jammer line. When the Donnas jammer was sent to the penalty box, Hot Boxxx blasted her way around the track and through the Donnas blockers for a power jam resulting in 23 points and a narrow yet exultant defeat of the Dropkick Donnas.
It was an amazing end to the Sick Town’s 2012 season and a hell of a lead-in to 2013!
by Mica Habarad
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