Johnny Beaver’s Top 10 B-List Films: John Waters, Bruce Campbell, and of course, Ron Jeremy

Bruce Campbell in "Bubba Hotep"Film buffs come in many different breeds. And while a good number of them would praise some of the movies on this list while rejecting other parts of it as incoherent garbage, many others would dismiss the entire thing and cuddle their limited edition Titanic DVDs.

 But hey, that’s okay! Because this is Corvallis, where some of us have tastes that are so elevated, so gorgeously high-brow that it somehow extends beyond the outer echelons of human acumen and wraps all the way around to the gutter. And so I present to you a collection of my own personal favorite films that I feel are masterpieces of their respective genres. They range from distasteful and gory to just plain bizarre, nonsensical, and outright offensive. Viewer discretion is highly recommended.

10. Caligula (1979)

Why: I honestly don’t know where to begin. There’s a giant lawnmower wall decapitation thing. And Malcom McDowell.

9. Ichi the Killer (2001)

Why: Extreme gore and the most muscular surprise-Grandpa you will ever see.

8. Bad Biology (2008)

Why: A sentient, detachable “organ” that has to be duct-taped in place because otherwise it disconnects and runs around on its own two “legs.”

7. Bubba Hotep (2002)

Why: A softcore entry for this list, it still earns a spot due to a mummy trying to extract souls from the exhaust ports of nursing home patients. And of course, every good film list could use a little Oregon-resident Bruce Campbell, who currently lives in a 727-200 passenger jet.

6. Inland Empire (2006)

Why: Because I’ve seen it four times and still don’t know what the hell it’s about, just that it gives me nightmares.

5. Gummo (1997)

Why: A disconcerting look at Eastern Oregon.

4. Pink Flamingos (1972)

Why: Because John Waters made it, and that’s that.

3. Terror Firmer (1999)

Why: A hermaphrodite serial killer, Ron Jeremy and pickles.

2. The Wayward Cloud (2005)

Why: Watermelons.

1. Never Say Never (2011)

Why: Because of Justin Bieber. In 3D.

by Johnny Beaver

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