As the State Turns

As the State Turns: Wild Animals

We Can’t Talk About a Shark Attack Because it happened at Cape Cod, and I don’t even know where the hell that is. If it doesn’t have fir trees and hipsters cra...

As the State Turns

Finally, a Sports Update Worth Reading There was a football game last Sunday between the University of Oregon Ducks and the Portland State University Vikings. ...

As the State Turns

Tree-Huggers Go Refillable Despite Dangers Say what you will about Americans, but they know what they want, and they know how to sh*t on the environment to get...

As the State Turns

Crazy White Lady Goes Off the Rails Let me break it down for you: Some dude is minding his own business when a woman sideswipes his car, keeps going like it di...

As the State Turns: #Donutgate Edition

The Preface Okay, okay. So I promised you a #donutgate edition—whether you wanted it or not—and I’m gonna deliver. But this was kind of a wild news week, so he...

As the State Turns

Fire Season Sucks It’s always tough to report on fire season escalations, and not just because I like poopy, I love it, and I like it so much. It’s the best an...

As the State Turns

An Idiot Abroad Perhaps eerily so, Raymond Reinke of Pendleton represents Oregon to the rest of the nation in much the same way Donald Trump represents America...

As the State Turns

You Can Murder Our Families, You Can Ravish Our Bodies, But With All That is Decent and Holy, Don’t Destroy Our Beer! Damn Trump, why, just why? That question ...

As the State Turns

Fined Person Disputes Fine Sandra Peterson had been doin’ the whole “vacation rental spot without a license” thing and was hit with a nearly two million buckar...

As the State Turns

Belly Full O’ People Cream Every week, I devote countless hours to scouring Oregonian media for comings-and-goings that I might be able to brutally twist into ...

As the State Turns

ROADPOCALYPSE? If you find yourself behind the wheel in Portland regularly, you may want to pack a sack lunch, a bucket, or some diapers, because HOLY HELL IT ...

As the State Turns

Portland Police Declare Riot, Shoot Guy Two different events, but in this day and age, who even cares? If you’re going to read a headline and form an opinion w...

As the State Turns

Toxic Algae Spreading With Heat? Say It Ain’t So! Only you can’t, unless you’re dumb, because it is so. And taking that into account, I’m wondering why entire ...

As the State Turns

Breaking News That’s Not Really New And It’s About Housing According to a new article from Oregon Public Broadcasting, well... here’s the headline: “A 1-Bedroo...

As the State Turns

Salem Water Crisis, Part Deux “BEWARE! Our mistake! THERE’S DANGER. It’s all better now. NEVERMIND!” If Salem were Donald Trump, and you condensed all of th...

As the State Turns

Is it a Nuke? Is it a Plane? No, It’s Just Butt-Exploding Algae  Unless you’ve been living under a rock (or you’ve got better things to do, which... haha), you...

As the State Turns

Bend’s Principal Weakness Starting us off in the classiest way possible, we have North Bend High School’s Principal, Bill Lucero, and Resource Officer Jason ...

As the State Turns

Marylhurst Goes Down the Hoooole In a move surprising to a lot of people—though it shouldn’t have been—Portland area college Marylhurst University announced ...