Linn-Benton Backwash

The Corvallis City Board… er… council… board, whatever it is, met last week and discussed a wide range of issues, including housing. Several proponents of protecting “tiny” houses on both a temporary and long-term basis made their intentions known. This is part of a broader effort to improve the affordable housing situation in Corvallis. It would’ve been cool if someone had gotten on this before all of the reasonably priced apartments were nuked, but hey, it’s a start.

But seriously for a second, the city is apparently looking to hire an affordable housing planner, so as long as that person doesn’t suck, things may indeed be looking up. From all of us poor people, we’re rooting for you. Don’t f*ck it up.

The Council Board Team also discussed pooping in public, only no they didn’t. I just need to mention poop in every edition. Had to get blunt and just toss it in this time… places to go, people to see, etc.

Elsewhere in the twin-county area, tens of thousands of turkeys were served up to a great number of people who seemingly haven’t figured out that they’re A. corpses, and, B. during the process of becoming a corpse, were robbed of their one, singular chance at existing. Being a determinist, I’m much more concerned about A. Like Johnny Beaver said in his last installment of 1200 Watts of Freedom, animals are nasty. When I look at my Shitzu hybrid mongrel Vernon Crabapple, and think about putting him in my mouth… just, hell to the no, my friends. Absolutely not.

*shivers*

Things took a bit of a dark turn over in Lebanon where a 17-year-old was arrested for attempted murder after stabbing some dude a bunch of times. Said dude was rushed to the hospital and is reportedly going to be fine.

Meanwhile, in Brownsville, nobody is going to be fine. Because… Brownsville.

Linn-Benton Backwash is a barely-coherent satire with a teaspoon of white-knighting, a pinch of bald-faced lies, and dash of pooptalk. In other words, don’t take it too seriously – nobody here does; especially the author.

By Sam Campbell

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