Linn-Benton Backwash

It’s summertime, and you know what that means! Actually, that could mean almost anything, so let’s start over.

It’s summertime, and the city of Corvallis is about to tear up a bunch of streets and piss people off because they may have to go five minutes out of their way. There are, of course, reasons for the construction, places, times, etc….but what the hell do I look like, a one-person Google machine? Figure it out for yourself. Good grief, you’re so lazy.

Now, unless you’ve been living under a rock (which, how would you even do that?), you know by now that Mayor Biff cast a tie-busticatin’ vote last week that was all like “Downtown 2nd St. Shelter? Do the thing.” It’s sad that it had to come down to a tie-breaker, but what’s worse is that the lawsuit gears are now turning as property owner Catherine Mater has made it known that she’s suing to block the shelter from going in. Citing the dangers associated with allowing crunked-up folks to seek a bed in the area, this seems like a good time to remind everyone that it was a lawsuit that killed the previous shelter on 4th.

According to reporting from the Gazette Times, Mater is also planning on running for City Council in order to influence the situation, having done so successfully before when, in the mid-70s, she helped HP get permission to build their campus on the edge of town.

Whew! Good times. So…does this mean the plan to fire the homeless out of cannons and past the treeline is back on the table? I guess we’ll find out next week. In the mean time, I leave you with this strangely pertinent Fruit Roll Ups commercial from the 1990s. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwotYEeMpls.

Linn-Benton Backwash is a barely-coherent satire with a teaspoon of white-knighting, a pinch of bald-faced lies, and a dash of pooptalk. In other words, don’t take it too seriously – nobody here does; especially the author.

By Sam Campbell
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