Linn-Benton Backwash

Work has begun on the multi-building College Crest compound down Circle Blvd., and you know I’m jazzed as all get out. Nothing gets my juices flowing like fresh student housing as pooped out by the awkwardly-named Corvue (because we’re in Corvallis), their future doors agape and hungry for all of those potential gentrification bucks. I suppose it’s a good thing that each and every Corvallisite whole-heartedly approves of the construction, because anywhere else this might piss some people off!

Speaking of intrusive, cue the cougar sightings. Also, cue the jokes about cougars being mostly found in Walmart near the bargain DVDs. Personal note: besides highland cattle, cougars are the scariest animals I’ve ever seen. I watched one following a little girl from the other side of the glass in the Oregon Zoo once, licking its lips. Totally would’ve eaten her, even if she was a “butt brain.” Her sister’s words, not mine.

Let’s see, what else? A guy from Adair Village popped into court last Thursday after being accused of setting up hidden cameras in his house to spy on his exchange student. He has claimed he did nothing wrong and that there was previous discussion about setting up security cameras; though it doesn’t seem like the bathroom was included in that conversation. Personally, I always keep live cameras in my bathroom. How else are you going to catch people stealing your cat litter and sphincter cream?

Elsewhere in the twin county area, Lebanon crowned its Strawberry Festival Queen. Meanwhile, we didn’t even know that was going on. Not that it isn’t super important. And hey, whatever. I’m guessing the three kids who were busted the other day for juggling a gun in Lebanon High didn’t know either, because they’re apparently not being released anytime soon.

Linn-Benton Backwash is a barely-coherent satire with a teaspoon of white-knighting, a pinch of bald-faced lies, and dash of pooptalk. In other words, don’t take it too seriously – nobody here does; especially the author.

By Sam Campbell

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