Linn-Benton Backwash

Boy howdy. BOOOOOOYYYY HOOOOWDY. Get a load of this total hogwash.

“In my experience the kids who get bullied are not really good friends. They’re not good at being a friend. They tend to annoy people, maybe without knowing it, but usually they do know it.”

That, my lovely Corvallisites, is Scio’s Centennial Elementary School’s principal, Luke Zedwick in a YouTube video he recently posted. Voluntarily. Because he’s dumb, I guess. He goes on to add “…if you find your kid being a target, one thing you could do to help them, separate from the bullying, is you can help them learn not to be annoying.”


His rationale is that sometimes what looks like bullying, actually isn’t. Honestly, I don’t even know what the hell that is supposed to mean. Even if we’re talking about the most annoying kid of all time (and pretend their behavior isn’t resulting from bullying), that wouldn’t be an excuse for them to be ridiculed, shoved around, and generally made to accept fear as a component of their education. 


Even if some kid managed to be annoying enough to justify that, we’re talking about turning a blind eye to what is essentially torture, just to hunt this one in a million case. What would we do with such a kid, stick them in a block of acrylic and donate them to the Smithsonian? Harness their DNA to make super-annoying soldiers? Make “Problem Child 4?”

I’ve got just two words for all of this: career change.

Straight up. I’ve heard Michael Cohen has some Taxi medallions floating around.

A bunch of other stuff happened in the area, but after this, it doesn’t really seem worth talking about.

Linn-Benton Backwash is a barely-coherent satire with a teaspoon of white-knighting, a pinch of bald-faced lies, and dash of pooptalk. In other words, don’t take it too seriously – nobody here does; especially the author.
By Johnny Beaver