Linn-Benton Backwash

A judge dismissed the eviction complaint against everyone’s favorite sticker-buddy, Andrew Oswalt, for its lack of specificity. I suppose it’s a good thing that it shouldn’t be too hard to get quite specific the next time around. Which, if you’re reading this Landlord person, you could probably find a few thousand people around here willing to help you out with a draft.

Last week, someone contacted the Corvallis police to let them know that a camgirl snapped some photos of his ding-a-lingl-ong (my guess, anyway), and was now threatening to post them on social media if he didn’t fork over a few grand in cash. Dude, next time: https://www.etsy.com/market/bondage_mask. It’ll save you a ton of money. I use the one with the translucent face.

This week, in boring news: a bunch of sports stuff happened, and the Goo Goo Dolls have announced that they’ll be playing the Northwest Art & Air Festival.,llllllllllllllllll. Oh sh*t, sorry. Fell asleep on the keyboard.

The Lebanon Log: Folks, you need to step it up. Over the last two weeks, the crime has been really boring. Tossing doggie-poop bags all over the park… without even any poop in them? More contempt of court and meth possession arrests? Some kid being forced to write an essay because he parked in front of a fire hydrant? Good lord. You’re killin’ me, smalls. Can’t someone report a UFO or swing a machete around in the middle of main street or something?

By Johnny Beaver

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