Last week both Linn and Benton counties were plagued with a ton of news about teenage basketball games. I’d like to take this moment to remind you that I didn’t contribute to that at all. Until now. Damn it.
Let’s see. Someone dumped some logs on the ground somewhere and it caused almost no problems for anyone. #yawn
Oh, here’s something. Pamela Hediger, an atttorney for the Corvallis firm uh… it’s really long and I’m not going to type it. Anyway, this woman has been let go and is now under investigation by the Oregon Bar Association in regards to the alleged misuse of funds. What happened, how, and why? Nobody knows… But there’s some drama, and you heard it here first. But only because if you read this column, you’re likely not super literate. Hey, you know I love you. Just being honest. Also, I don’t love you. But I could. Cash only. Money goes on the nightstand.
Last Saturday the Lebanon Express’s website featured a look back at “[k]ey moments from the inauguration of Donald Trump,” which is sort of a miserable way to reflect on a year of that piece of sh*t. I don’t feel as embarrassed of that dorky cliché cartoon pot leaf we ran on the cover, but then again, all those Lee Enterprises papers in the area run mugshot reels on their sites, and those are totally bitchin’. Would love to get us signed up, but with some kind of additional “hot or not” thing going on. Nobody ever listens to my good ideas, though.
Rounding things up this week, Sweet Home has been chosen as the site where the 2018 national Christmas tree will come from. The public has been invited to come out and be like “hey, choose that one,” but I offer you no details because it is dorky and I’m trying to protect you from yourself.
By Johnny Beaver