On Craigslist: Valentine’s Day Edition

A lot of single people (and some people who aren’t precisely single) are eager all year ‘round to couple up – or even triple or quadruple up. As St. Valentine’s Day approaches, that desire can become especially acute. Many people take to Craigslist in search of that special someone, or in some cases, that special anyone. 

Some men search for women in the “M4W” section. Some women search for men in “W4M.”  There’s a “Miscellaneous Romance” section, where some trans women seek men in “T4M.” Some couples seek a woman to join them for a threesome in “MW4W,” and so on. 

Then there are the “Missed Connections,” where people hope to find someone they once knew, or almost knew, or wished they had known. While I admit to blatantly making fun of most of these posts, I have found on Craigslist, some of the posted “Missed Connections” are really quite touching.

M4W
One man loses some points by describing himself as a “Lost Soul,” but gains a few back by stating that there is no need to send a nude photo since he “already know(s) what a naked woman looks like.” 

Meanwhile, a 73-year-old “M4W” is seeking a “Pillow Princess,” by which he means a woman who is interested in a man “who would kiss and lick her bottom from hole to hole,” the way he used to do for his late wife.  That sounds sweet and romantic, for all it sounds potentially unsanitary.  I hope the Dowager Pillow Prince finds a friend. 

We also find a man (age unspecified, but presumably over 18) who would like to find a woman who would turn him into her little girl, ideally six to nine years old, although he’s willing to go as high as 12, if she insists. 

Clearly of note is a man in California that is apparently having trouble finding a “Gigantic mega big booty full Figured woman.”  Maybe he wants a really gigantic one, or maybe he’s found owners of sufficiently gigantic ones closer to home who were turned off by his hats (as seen in the photos attached to his ad). 

W4M
In this neck of the woods, there is a woman looking for someone who can “blow [her] back out.” I may or may not be able to do that – I may or may not have done it in the past.  I’m not at all sure. 

An observation without comment: I notice that almost all of the postings in “W4M” specifically ask that men not send dick pics, but that quite a few of the “M4M” posts specifically request them. 

Missed Connections
In “Missed Connections” there are a lot of posts by “W4M” who aren’t expecting the “M” to see it, or even are hoping he doesn’t, but want to say somewhere that they’re thinking of him.  A large percentage of these posters wonder if it’s really possible to truly and fully love more than one person at the same time.  Um, yes, it sure is, and it’s a big pain. 

In the “M4W” subsection, there is a man who is unwilling to actually speak to someone he sees at the gym regularly.  Dude, just go up and talk to her already. On the other hand, “Matt” posts a blessedly straightforward search for his old friend “Amber Gibbs” just a ways down the list. Does anybody know where she is? 

On the stranger end of things, a couple of women who were “Seizure Buddies” (ie. talked while they “waited to be seen”… I’m assuming in the ER) were attempting to connect. What a place for a relationship to begin.  Good luck, ladies. 

Miscellaneous Romance
A fan favorite, this section currently wields a couple who “like to humiliate each other in private and in public” and are looking for people to help them out with that.  Got any ideas?  Here, I can help: their names are George Sardel and Vivian Guay, and they live at 228 Habenry Avenue in South Corvallis (just kidding). 

But if you want to talk “Miscellaneous Romance,” it doesn’t get much more miscellaneous than the poster who lists her gender as “sex robot” and promises that she has “disabled my kill chip,” and is “looking for love from another robotic companion,” but is “even willing to do it with a human,” if nothing else is available. 

By John M. Burt

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