This Week on Craigslist…

Someone is selling “cigarette cigars,” which are “made with natural tobacco with non-tobacco ingredients added,” are available in plain, menthol, vanilla, and “sweet,” and supposedly “contain no tar.” I suppose any cigarette contains no tar until you actually burn it . . .

OTOH, in the “Strictly Platonic” section, a man advertises for a woman to join him in a “420 Staycation.” So if 420 is the place you want to be, Ma’am, here’s a guy to travel there with you.

The Bigfoot UFO Mysterious Paranormal Seekers are looking for opportunities to go B.U.M.P.S. in the night, so if anything spooky is happening in your home or in your head, they hope you’ll contact them.

Also in the “Strictly Platonic” section, a “salty stoner gamer butch lesbian” (who notes she is a married “boi”) is looking for a man who’d like to watch cartoons and play video games and smoke weed with her. It’s interesting to ponder how some men would be delighted by that invitation, and some would be horrified, and some simply wouldn’t believe, no matter what, that it wasn’t an attempt to pick up a guy on the downlow (note to men in the latter category: it’s not).

People selling firewood for $220 a cord (or “call us and we’ll make it work”) have posted a photo of a cat perched on top of a fencepost. I don’t know why they did that.

A woman who describes herself as being “in a complicated relationship” is “hoping to find somebody [male] in a similar situation,” to talk their situations over by mail. She apparently thinks this will help her make her situation less complicated.

Someone in Portland is posting on the Corvallis Craigslist because they want you to know that low-level electric shocks will cure diabetes. I’m writing this here to tell you someone in Portland is an idiot.

A student at Wesleyan University is looking for actors to perform in a Senior thesis project film. If you think you could do a good job as someone’s mother or someone’s priest, check it out at corvallis.craigslist.org.

By John M. Burt

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