Linn-Benton Backwash: Fire, Journey, and Shenanigans

Last Friday in Corvallis, a 10-year-old was granted the title of Fire Chief for a day after writing what I’ve heard was a really killer essay about preventing fires. Thankfully there were no major fires or anything that day, though. That would’ve been embarrassing.

There was something called Dog Days in Scio, but I’m still waiting on my investigators to figure out what a Scio is. It might be a while though, considering I don’t actually have any investigators.

Journey is reportedly playing the Linn County Fair in July, but all the residents of said county can talk about is Wynonna Judd. This is normally where I’d sneak the phrase “Don’t stop believin’” into a sentence, but I think I’ll just settle for being depressed about the cultural degradation that has led us to this sorry state.

Perhaps in response, one Billy Jack Gomez shot at his brother on Mother’s Day in Lebanon. He missed, but put a hole in their screen door. Tough break. Those can be more expensive to replace than you’d think.

The Lebanon Log: Let’s see if we can make this all fit: Nearly 200 gallons of fuel were stolen from a generator at a Verizon mobile phone tower, an elderly man tore the bumper off a car with his motor home and tried to run from the scene on the 6th, and the 7th saw a giant bird bath stolen, as well as almost $650 worth of stuff from Walmart (in one go!). The 8th? A hat was reported as stuck in a door (I’m not joking), someone spray-painted somebody’s garage door, and a guy in a Batman shirt stole $50 worth of stuff from Walmart. And over the next few days a bunch of people stole a whole bunch of other stuff, were arrested, got drunk in the park, poured battery acid on a fence, and exposed themselves to women.

By Johnny Beaver

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