Linn-Benton Backwash: Crusade De Eclipse

A gang war broke out in Corvallis last weekend when t-shirt peddlers and lemonade stand kingpins went head to head over control of the eclipse-profiteering game. Traveling “Moon rock” purveyors started strong and gained some turf on campus before they were wiped out by grocery stores that had stocked up on anything that even remotely sounds like an eclipse product. Grocery stores, in turn, collectively bit the dust after a nuclear launch by eclipse-yoga events. Notably, sometime around 3 p.m. on Sunday the number of possible yoga classes in a single town was exceeded, opening a singularity that people then attempted to jump into in order to avoid totality altogether. Unfortunately, I missed the bus, so I’m stuck here telling you about it.

In other news, the Oregon State Beavers will be facing off against an early lineup of strong teams this coming season, but nobody cares because eclipse. Not even sure which sport we’re talking about.

In completely other news, unrelated to the eclipse, Samaritan sold a bunch of faulty eclipse glasses and were trying to get them back so people don’t go blind staring at that huge star in the sky (maybe just don’t do that). -10 points for cashing in, +10 points for looking out for… peoples’… health. Because they’re a hospital. Make that only +2 points.

In blatant eclipse news, Oregon State University held a number of lectures and events over Saturday and Sunday that attracted literally thousands of people, and were generally pretty damn awesome.

Lebanon Log to the Rescue: Sorry, nothing interesting happened in Lebanon. Unless you count a few epic bowel movements, or the grand opening of the new US Mini Mart on Airport Rd, which features a myriad of delicious snacks and drinks to wet your very whistle.

By Johnny Beaver

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