Linn-Benton Backwash

Breaking News: Despite legislation passed by the Corvallis Court of Popular Opinion, some art is indeed hideous. Butt ugly. Offensively mundane, thoughtless… banal, even (to quote every fancy art critic, ever). In fact, I have proven this myself time and again by producing creative diarrhea in a number of mediums. So the next time you find yourself out and see a piece of our growing library of public art that turns you off, feel free to mumble “what a crime against humanity…” as you vomit a little in your mouth. And after you wash the taste out with a delicious beverage that’s been sitting in your cup holder for a week, please thank whoever was involved for helping get an artist paid for once, because holy crap is it a hard life.

Also, cross your fingers that it was a local. When you’re done driving though. 10 and 2 bro, 10 and 2.

Speaking of vomiting in Corvallis though, it looks like Meningococcaloctulus, or whatever, disease has reared its ugly tentacles at Oregon State University… again. At the time of writing there has only been one reported case, but in the case of Menongoaigocoicalus disease, it takes two to tango. Or 40. Let’s hope it isn’t 40, though. Meningoacioloitos disease is treatable, but potentially deadly. Even mild cases can give you dangerous poops.

Thanks to $20 million being dedicated from a recent state budget, or something like that, highway 20 will be seeing some upgrades. It doesn’t appear as if they’re open for suggestions, but I’d like to see a Taco Bell up somewhere between Corvallis and Albany, or a third lane for when you get stuck behind someone doing 35 the whole damn way.

Lastly for this week, I want to clarify a Gazette Times headline from last weekend (probably the best headline I’ve seen in years): “OSU football: Beavers’ D shows no love to Stanford.” They meant “defense.”

By Johnny Beaver

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