Linn-Benton Backwash

Corvallis Police Department and associated entities are about to go all whoopas* on the homeless and other ne’er-do-wells. Well, maybe not “whoopas*” (seriously, did you know that word was spelled with an asterisk?), but they’re planning on doubling the number of “livability” officers. Sounds a little Orwellian, but hey. 

On another front, Parks and Recreation officials will be descending from black helicopters in the dead of night, ninja style, trimming down bushes and clipping trees so people have less places to hide while sleeping, peeing, or lord knows what else. 

A recent Gazette Times article on the topic mentions an experience from Councilor Roen Hogg in which he spotted people sleeping outside of The Arts Center. Full disclosure: that was me. Log-Cabin Medley was such a damn good show that I felt like I should just stay put and get back up in there as soon as they opened the next morning. Sure, I peed out there, but when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Did you know OSU had soccer teams? I didn’t. The men won, the women didn’t. I forgot who they were playing against. However, that’s unimportant. The whole thing was clearly fabricated to distract people from the fact that the Corvallis City Council is looking at the possibility of a future sales tax. Just in case it becomes funny later, I’d like to formally coin the term “Corvallinomics.” Just in case.

On another sports note, the South Albany High Rebels stomped Central. In their face! Stupid Central, with their lack of Confederate imagery and stuff. That’s what you get. Though I imagine if their mascot were a T-Rex being ridden by a shark with laser eyes, they would’ve won regardless. +2 cents.

The Lacomb Log: Last week a small tornado formed in Lacomb and blew off some barn roofs and did some other stuff. I realize the biggest news here is probably just that there’s a place called Lacomb in the area that you had never heard of, but hey. Tornado. Whee!

By Johnny Beaver

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