Linn-Benton Backwash

As eclipse fever begins to reign supreme, I’ve been approached by several Corvallisites with rumors of individuals who’ve got a serious problem… with streetlights. They want them off, because they’ll interfere with the ambiance, shall we say, of the solar event. I completely support the notion, as I’ve long believed that our fears of running people over or crashing into trees have been overblown. Then again, you’d think that a few hundred thousand people packed in like sardines with their cell phones out might prove a distraction so great as to render these other annoyances irrelevant. Then again, what do I know? I plan on using the time to take a nap. Seriously, can you think of a better chance to be left alone?

Speaking of fevers, Steve Schultz obsession seems to be at an all-time high in the Corvallis area. What the fascination is with this man, I cannot say. Last time I checked, there’s an entire gander of people busting their collective as*es to put this paper out that aren’t named Steve or Schultz, or even an anagram of said names. Actually, that’d be awesome if we had someone named Schultz. It’d be like “Damnit Schultz, you’re not indenting your paragraphs again” or “Ugh, Schultz. Your inverted pyramid is sideways,” or even “No dessert until you clean that room of yours, Schultz.” Yeah. Anyway, not judging anyone for their strange fetishes, but I haven’t gotten hatemail in a few weeks and there are many on staff who have never gotten any, period. Share the wealth. Branch out. Try new things.

Lebanon on the other hand was abuzz last Friday with the Oregon Mayors Convention, as evidenced by holes drilled into the downtown sidewalks every few feet for flags. Bands played, wine was sipped, art was… reported, and everyone had a blast according to their public statements. Personally, I would have liked to have seen GWAR booked, but Johnny Limbo and the Lugnuts did just fine.

By Johnny Beaver

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