Well, it happened, folks—another graduating class has left the expensive confines of our local institutions, ready to fly off into possibly bright, possibly terrible futures. Tales spun on local tongues suggest that it was OSU’s largest graduating class EVER; though I’ve got no clue why that’s all that noteworthy. Not as noteworthy as Oprah being there (true story). Which, in turn, is not as interesting as homemade whiskey, and it was delicious. Also, I burned my hands a little trying to Instagram a video of a hot dog that fell into a backyard fire pit last night.
Speaking of noteworthy stuff, apparently on the 16th someone’s vehicle was busted into and the perpetrator(s) stole three guns and a bunch of gun accouterments. So that sucks pretty much for everyone.
It was announced recently that this fall Albany students will be attending classes at different times than before. I could tell you what those times are, but if you’re reading this column you probably don’t really care. So instead I’ll tell you about this dog I saw yesterday that really wanted this piece of cake that had fallen on the ground. It was obsessed for hours. Same place and relative time that I burnt myself, if you were curious.
Remember The Lebanon Log Special Edition from last week? The one with the Tony Montana/Dick Tracy hybrid hat? Who looked kinda like a reject from a Papa Roach video? Looks like they caught him. Apparently, he’s a transient and was nabbed in Lincoln City. Honestly, I really want that hat.
The Lebanon Log Special Edition (AGAIN): Someone reported a “crazy woman” wandering around on Airport Road with a giant metal chicken. Turns out that was one of my family members. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.
By Johnny Beaver