Linn-Benton Backwash

The Oregon State University Board of Trustees voted to raise tuition last Friday in a direct response to the rising costs of… stuff. Students with Oregon residency will be facing a four percent increase, while those from out of state will see a two percent increase. Thankfully, students love to have panic attacks about debt before they fall asleep every night, and find it quite pleasurable to spend their down time thinking about how great life would have been if they had just skipped college altogether and settled for a meaningful, blue collar existence. Some graduate and doctoral students have refuted this point of view, claiming that they’re glad to be making $80,000 a year while being forced to live in one-room studio apartments due to student loan costs. Also, while we’re on the topic, people love to stub their toes, find flies in their soup, and watch House Hunters.

Last Wednesday, police were called to the Goodwill on 9th Street when some dude tried to use a fake $20 bill. While this gave other Goodwill chapters cause to wonder whether or not they could somehow start paying disabled people with fake money instead of the pennies on the hour they’re already getting, said dude escaped the scene before he could be interviewed.

Cougar sightings have apparently been on the rise in Albany, but before you puke into your shirt, know that we’re talking about animals here, not the shambling horrors found digging through the Walmart DVD bargain bin at three in the morning, smelling of sports bar and scented candle.

A Corvallis dude was recently arrested in connection with the murder of a woman in Alsea. It seems pertinent to note that his goatee makes it look like he’s been eating poop out of the toilet. Innocent until proven guilty aside, please do something about that first chance you get.

By Johnny Beaver

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