Linn-Benton Backwash

There was some sort of marijuana thing going on in Corvallis recently, I think at the fairgrounds. I dunno, can’t really remember. Hazy. Because of the pot. Get it?

Now for something I wish I couldn’t remember: Corvallisite Kent Hill was arrested by the Benton County Sheriff’s Office on charges related to child pornography. The best part? The guy worked as a Benton County Mental Health Managerial Dude. Because the mental health system isn’t already messed up.

Some good news… Let’s see… The sun came out, recently. If you can call that good news. Personally, I think water falling from the sky is bada*s. And nobody asked you. Shut up.

Racist buildings on the OSU campus are still __________ from massive protests. I can’t really think of an appropriate verb that makes this funny by referencing architecture, so congratulations: fill it in and you’re a contributor!

Albany’s city council recently voted for a stormwater facility. So there’s that. Also along that line, I learned about the 50 best cities for trash collecting from a Democrat-Herald link. So there’s that, also.

The Lebanon Log: On March 3 Rite-Aid experienced some cosmetics theft, losing a bunch of fake nails and a bunch of makeup (at least they weren’t real nails). Later that day some lady called the cops about neon green stuff in her corned beef, and when the cops arrived they discovered it was soap. She was like, “I didn’t put that there,” but she totally did. I mean honestly, last time I checked Palmolive hadn’t evolved the ability to teleport. On the 9th a creepy-looking paper bag was found and reported, after which the cops determined it was garbage. I dunno about you, but that felt like a close call.

By Johnny Beaver

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