Linn-Benton Backwash

Yep, again. What’s that, you ask? Why, it’s another meningococcal outbreak at Oregon State University – my favorite! You know, folks… I’ve seen some videos on the Internet, and I don’t know what you’re up to in those dorms, but you should probably cut it out. Nobody wants their private business to be converted to a meningococcal infection, then subsequently converted into meningitis… and we all know where that takes us: straight to amputee-ville. Though to be honest, if I could lose whatever part of my body keeps me working in journalism, sign me up. I’ll even bring the blow-up sheep and Cheese Whiz.

In all honesty, though, get yourself vaccinated if you’re on campus a lot and are under 25. Here’s a resource for you:

The main story on the Lebanon Express’ website last weekend was about The Big Lebowski, partially in relation to a “Big Lebowski Bowling Bash” in Corvallis. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I think I’ll do both. Thankfully it’s at someone else’s paper and not our own this week.

This paragraph was originally going to include a horribly tasteless joke about an event I saw advertised, but instead you’re just getting this sentence, which proves that I’m a jerk, but also capable of self-control.

The Boys & Girls Club of Corvallis is now within about a million dollars of the funds necessary for their planned expansion. In honor of my youth, I am using this printed platform to beg them not to allow unsupervised flag football that will inevitably turn into a game of “tackle Johnny.” Also, please periodically check the Rampage arcade machine to make sure some sh*t-head hasn’t stuffed their gum in the coin slot, because seriously that was my only chance at happiness in those dark days.

By Johnny Beaver

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