Floral Philandering

cross section of flowerNothing says “I love you” like giving your special someone an assemblage of severed plant genitals… you know, to remind them of you as they watch the once vibrant flowers slowly shrivel and die. Although they spread filthy plant sex all over the atmosphere, causing health hazards for a fair share of humans, flowers are still pretty spiffy.

Unfortunately, a whole lot of the plants we rely on for nutritional and or romantic purposes can’t even deliver without very particular insect, well, aids. Long-distance relationships require some ingenuity, after all, but many plants make it work. Little midges from the Forcipomyia genus are the pollinators of the cacao tree, and who you really have to thank for those delectable chocolates.

Lady flowers that have one or more pistils but no functional stamens are described as pistillate. A gentleman flower may be said to be staminate, given he lacks a functional pistil. When one plant has both male and female flowers, it’s a monoecious plant. Different species that have girl and boy flowers on separate girl and boy plants are described as dioecious.

Are you looking for perfect flowers for someone special?

To be botanically correct, a perfect flower means that each flower has to have female and male parts—at least a pistil and stamen anyway. This is commonly confused with complete flowers, which need to have all four principal flower parts: petals, sepals, pistils, and stamens. So all complete flowers are perfect, but not all perfect flowers are complete… You get the idea, just don’t forget to get the dang flowers.

Regardless of configuration, color, or kink, have a happy Valentine’s Day from all of us here at The Advocate. 

By Mathew Hunt

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