As the State Turns…

Rose Parade 0, Huge Protest 1
Ah yes, the Rose Parade. People, floats, food… confetti, happiness… germs, worn-down shoes, standing around outside bored to death… little kids who go home after having seen nothing because they’re really short and some d*ckhead wouldn’t move out of the way. You know I love it. In fact, I love parades so much, I haven’t gone to one since my first. This one has got roses, but meh. Seen ‘em, wasn’t impressed.

But for the lesser of you humans out here, who think parades are a good time, I feel your pain. So what happened last week? Well, it was someone’s good idea to include the Multnomah County Republican Party. Yes, the very same jokers that have an entire whopping 1,300 page likes on Facebook. That’s like 300 less than The Corvallis Advocate, by the way, which is a sad figure for a newspaper, let alone what is supposed to amount to one-half of our two-party system. Not that our website isn’t a disaster at the moment, but when you search for theirs the Google description reads, “We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us.” That doesn’t exactly bode well.

Anyhow, back to the action. So these Trumpiers show up in their Sunday best and the entire parade is subsequently swamped by “antifascist” protestors (as the Washington Post called them). Long story short, there were threats, people everywhere with cool bandanas on, and the police and city ended up having to shut the whole sh*t-show down.

In the words of the Avenue of Roses Business Somethin’ or Other, the folks who run it, “Following threats of violence during the parade by multiple groups planning to disrupt the event, 82nd Avenue of Roses Business Association can no longer guarantee the safety of our community and have made the difficult decision to cancel the parade.”

Portlanders have made their opposition to Trump abundantly clear, this just being the latest example. In addition to the parade being halted (there was a petition to get it going again, but only got 200 signatures), fascist turds like punching bag Richard Spencer, Milo Yiannopoulos, and the Cryptkeeper herself, Ann Coulter, have either been canceled outright, or heckled into oblivion. Say it ain’t so.

President of the Multnomah Republican Party (and the guy responsible for 600 fake Facebook accounts used to Like his own page) James Buchal claimed in a Washington Post interview that his group would never consider marching with “folks carrying swastikas,” and referred to protestors as terrorists in the same breath.

One last thing I thought I should mention: the Multnomah GOP’s website discussed all of this under the headline “Anarchists Kill April 29th Avenue of Roses Parade.” I lol’d.

Good News for Cidergonians
Put down your dictionaries, I made that last awesome word up – all in celebration of Senate Bill 677. If passed, this bill would allow cider companies some freedoms already available to wineries, including the ability to make and sell their goods, along with food, right on their farms. And some other weird stuff related to “agritourism,” but we don’t really know what that means, right? No, not us Oregonians.

Word on the street is that companies pumping out under 100,000 gallons per year have to be in or next to an orchard 15 acres or larger to be included. Those making more than that have to be on 40 acres.

This bill has very little opposition, and many hope it’ll create numerous new jetstreams of cold, hard cash for cider producers. Hoorah and all that.

Shocker: Greg Walden Sucks
Last Thursday, Oregon Congressman-extraordinaire Greg Walden made it clear that he’s bonkers for the GOP’s new “fail to repeal and replace” plan. The one that doesn’t include universal protections for people with pre-existing conditions. And yes, it sounds even less viable so far than the doomed bill he helped author the last time around.

While this should come as no surprise, one has to wonder: if Walden ever has to switch plans, who the hell does he think would pick him up with his pre-existing condition of being a total nitwit hack?

Now, you may be saying to yourself, “Hey, isn’t this a huge backtrack from the ‘we will not allow cost hikes on sick people’ stuff he’s being saying lately?” The answer is yes, my friend. Patrick Willard of Families USA got it right when he recently accused Walden of a bait-and-switch.

 Playing devil’s advocate here, though… we can’t simply oust this guy next cycle. That’d leave no Republicans in Oregon’s congressional delegation. Oh wait, I forgot: democracy.

By Johnny Beaver
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