Breaking news: The 1,512th local story comes out with the headline, “Standing with Standing Rock.” We’re guilty, they’re guilty, everyone is guilty. This is Trump’s America.
In other news, I heard something about the Beavers women’s basketball team doing some serious game-playing stuff. They beat another team.
The ex-assistant football coach for the Philomath High School team we’ve all heard about is now set to enter a plea towards misdemeanor second-degree criminal mistreatment in January. Because of the hazing incidents from awhile back—not his haircut. We don’t know what this charge actually means, other than that it is something bad, but not super bad. And we all know from Law & Order that entering a plea means his charges are being reduced because he netted the cops a bigger fish. I wish I lived in the TV.
Speaking of which, you missed it! Corvallisite Amy Young, who works as a research assistant at Oregon State University, was on TV. Jeopardy!, the word that always has an exclamation point after it, and makes commas feel awkward… apparently they turned that into a show at some point. Anyway, Young was on it. Wait, you want to know what happened? I dunno. I only watch Law & Order.
I just found out two more sports things, if you’re into that: 1. There are high school swim teams around here; 2. Lebanon kids beat Corvallis kids at swimming the other day.
Lebanon Holiday Log: On the second of the month, someone stole a woman’s purse right off of her walker, while some kids in the Lebanon High School parking lot were counseled for shouting, “Kill the gays!” Later that night a guy shot himself trying to clean his gun… didn’t know that happened in real life. Honestly, too much has happened this month to get too detailed about any other day. People chucking garbage over each others’ fences, needles being found in toilets, Q-tip theft… it’s going to be a long month, folks.
By Johnny Beaver