I like to chastise sports a bit, because it’s classically funny, but in all truth I see them as mostly just very insanely expensive video games that you can’t play – or where an injured Hakeem Olajuwon can’t return to play after taking a single round out. Anyway, in that respect, I connect. It looks like a hell of a lot of fun. In fact, I may even watch a Portland Thorns game, eventually, after watching several of their players kick total as* (seriously, what’s this asterisk for again?) in the Olympics. Now, in the case of this paragraph, my main focus is the crushing defeat of the Beavers last weekend. Or really, the fact that yes, oh hell yes, there was a bunch of parking downtown afterwards as a result! Seriously, that was so nice. I had to come and go a few times – not once being forced to get out and back in the car, creeping forwards and backwards to make sure I could actually leave again later because some idiot in a truck gave himself four feet out the front “just in case,” or more likely “just because he wasn’t paying attention.” Or, you know, some idiot in a Subaru. ::cough:: Corvallis.
Now, I don’t want the Beavers to lose. That’d be crazy. Bonkers. My last name is Beaver, and I really like orange. I’d just like to be able to put my car places near places now and again, on nights where things have happened. And while we’re at it, maybe the city could stop adding new 2 Hour parking signs where us poor people have to park in order to get within 20 blocks of walking to class at OSU. Seriously. Just because we can’t afford gym memberships doesn’t mean we need your help dropping a few hundred calories when we’re already late – because poor people are lazy and sleep in.
That sure went somewhere.
What else… not going to laugh at OSU’s new $40 million “Johnson” hall or anything. That’d be disrespectful after such a righteous diatribe. Oh, I know:
The Lebanon Log: The Santiam Scrappers, a quilt guild that meets in Lebanon is looking for new members. The president of the guild, Teresa Straight, apparently told The Lebanon Express that nobody even knows they exist. Well Teresa, you’re welcome. And I can’t really say anything else because they actually seem to do a lot of cool stuff. Damnit.
By Johnny Beaver