Linn-Benton Backwash

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linnbentonbackwash1A construction crew working at Oregon State University in Corvallis found some bones that turned out to have once belonged to a mammoth. At 10,000 years old, they were no longer up and running about, but people are excited anyway. I guess we’re going to have to cancel the Beavers and tear down Reser Stadium now.

Remember that shooting outside of Shari’s in Corvallis? The accused are facing yet another postponement of their bail hearing, a third one to be accurate, due to the recusal of the circuit court judge set to hear it. Why? Nobody knows, because law dictates the ability for any party of a trial to excuse up to two judges without explanation. In the meantime all I can say is this: I hope Michael A. Deyette II (the accused) likes jail bologna. Eat around the black spots. You’ll thank me later, bro.

Kate Brown, you know, the stand-in for Kitzhaber… she wants to raise Oregon’s minimum wage—possibly as high as about $15/hour. Linn County Commissioner Roger Nyquist has burst a few blood vessels in heated opposition, stating the usual job loss, etc. that have been largely discredited by nonpartisan research. Considering the state of the county, perhaps Nyquist’s plan is to just trap everyone in poverty. Between banning recreational pot outlets, the county would be well on its way to keeping the heroin and meth dealers healthy, as well as all of those lovely chain stores moving in with the sole purpose of paying crappy wages while siphoning money out of the local economy, so Nyquist may prove successful.

Dustin Halvorsen of Albany was arrested last week after he was caught on video. No, not whacking the weasel… stealing packages. Yes, this criminal mastermind’s plan was to grab packages that had been delivered, speed off in his vehicle and then open the package, steal the contents, and leave the box on the side of the road. Okay, not so interesting. What is interesting, though, is the charge he received of “offensive littering.” Did he litter a Trump flyer? Did he litter with one hand while flipping off an old lady with the other? Did he chuck a full Big Gulp out the window at a kid on a bicycle?

The Lebanon 2016 Strawberry Princesses have been announced. And that’s about all there is to say about that.

The Lebanon Log: On Jan. 27 someone reported a man pushing a kid in a “makeshift” go-kart… because, that’s a crime? Later that day some kids were reported screwing around with a shopping cart near the bridge at E and Fourth. The kids weren’t caught, but the cart was found in the canal. Aside from these incidents, the most interesting thing going on appears to be an attempt to enter Lebanon in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most “failure to appear” arrests in a week.

By Johnny Beaver

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