Linn-Benton Backwash

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linnbentonbackwash1Corvallis residents were joined by their contemporaries from Eugene last week in a candlelight vigil meant to protest calling it a “civil war” every ^$@! time a Duck team plays a Beaver team. OK, so this didn’t really happen, but it should.

On Jan. 4 the Gazette-Times released their Best of 2015 police blotter list. While their scripted headlines were about as funny as Bob Saget before he started wailing obscenities, I greatly applaud what they did with the limited roster of weird crimes we get here in Corvallis. I heard Lebanon and Albany are releasing a 3,000-page, four-volume set of coffee table books, but to hell with those guys. Corvallis united! ::fist bump::

Speaking of the Gazette-Times, I checked out their poll about the Hammonds’ sentences. Those visiting the site have overwhelmingly voted that they should have been released without further sentences. ::raises an eyebrow and starts speaking like a Bond villian:: …Interesting.

Last Saturday Oregon’s very own U.S. Senator Jeff Merkley took to the stage in Brownsville and managed to get several rounds of applause out of a crowd that featured at least one dude shouting “SECOND AMENDMENT,” which was followed by a swift “heeyuck!” And that’s why they pay him the big bucks.

One Allen Maurice Diggs, an old guy living in Sweet Home, was recently sacked by Linn County SWAT. This was the result of a traffic stop where police found some weapons and, after doing cool hacker stuff in their squad cars, realized that Diggs wasn’t allowed to have them. Said old guy was liberated by said SWAT team of a pile of crappy guns—the kind you don’t bother to even pick up in Call of Duty. And that’s the end of that story.

The Lebanon Log: Starting us off on Jan. 2, the Linn County Sheriff’s Office reported something like a dozen or two sheep hanging out in the road near Swank Drive. Additionally, some sad, lonely bastard actually worked up the courage to steal Christmas decorations. A few days later on Jan. 5, police received a call from a woman concerned about some marijuana cigarettes she found in her house—the cops let her know it was legal. And Jan. 6 was apparently National Underwear Day, as a guy wearing nothing but was running around near Grant Street.



By Johnny Beaver

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