I can’t tell you the day. I can’t tell you the time. It was next to… OK, I guess I can’t tell you the place either. I forgot. All you need to know is, in the vicinity of 9th and Circle, give or take a block or six… I spotted Danny Devito Van. It was just kind of hanging out, not really moving around or threatening anyone. I asked it for a quote on the state of Danny Devito Vans in Corvallis, but it didn’t respond. Perhaps a winter hibernation? We can only hope so. If you happen to see Danny Devito Van cruising cooly around town, consider yourself lucky. It’s Danny Devito Van, after all.
Dog attacks in McDonald Forest – My favorite forest ever? Say it ain’t so. Only someone said it was so. Big ol’ brown chunker, too, with a blue harness… ultramarine, cobalt, phthalocyanine…one of those blues. From the sound of it there wasn’t any serious harm done to anyone or anypooch. While there have been a few words tossed about regarding other alleged dog attacks out there, officials seem to seem confident that they aren’t related. You know, like some kind of ne’er-do-well hounds mucking about in the foliage, robbing liquor stores and riding motorbikes. Maybe next year.
Was out in Lebanon last night – Which wasn’t last night from when you’re reading this, but from when I wrote it… anyway, those crowds at the Warriors games are nuts. They sound like gladiatorial arenas, and I was like 10 or more blocks away. Congrats to them on doing something like that with high school sports. Also, not going to mention what happened to Crescent Valley football. Being eliminated from “postseason contention,” and it just sounds too brutal for our more sensitive Advocateers.
The Corvallis Log: On the 20th some dude went into some other dude’s house and asked if it was China. Later the guy circled around back and knocked on the door. The resident wasn’t seeking the pressage (admittedly not a word) of charges. Us Corvallisites sure are reasonable when what I can only assume are really, really high people ask about the location of foreign countries.
…Maybe not so much though, in regards to yet another dude that chased (and failed to catch) a woman through Central Park the day before. With a trash bag over his head.
By Johnny Beaver