As the State Turns

stateturnssymbolThe New America: All Donald Trump, All the Time
One of these days I’ll be able to promise the lot of you that you’ll never have to worry about hearing Donald Trump-related news in this column, AGAIN. And, of course, it’ll be a totally greasy, disgusting lie. This time around, let’s take a look at what’s up with the Portland public school system.

In short, some stuff is up. The school board has basically positioned itself to kick immigration Nazis in the nards if they try to come into a school or get their creepy little fingers on student records without dancing the horizontal mambo with district big wigs. Their first thingamajig in the resolution they have passed reads as such:

“Any ICE [Immigration and Customs Enforcement] Officer intending to enter any Portland Public Schools property must first notify the Superintendent and the District’s General Counsel, in person, of its intention, with adequate notice so that the Superintendent and General Counsel can take steps to provide for the emotional and physical safety of its students and staff.”

No, there’s nothing in there about nards in an explicit sense, but we can amend these things later. The Portland district is just the next in a growing list of others, such as in San Francisco and Los Angeles, to take steps to protect people from the guy that some of their parents have voted for.

Fear May Be the Mind Killer…
But mold is the damn pot killer. Brent Kenyon of White City just found this out as he began to burn an incredible 20% of his giant marijuana grow. Yes, you guessed it… all because of that nasty, classless, ne’er-do-well we all dis-affectionately call mold. Seriously, a moment of silence. Or loudness. I don’t care, I can’t hear you.

Now, because nobody who has interviewed the guy actually bothered to find out if 20% means two trillion pounds or two pounds, we don’t know how bada*s of a single tear to shed, but I suppose the point here is that mold sucks. In fact, it kicks the a*s of quite a few pot farms every year in the state. I guess at least you make a huge profit off the stuff. Unlike art, where you make about 20% less than what you put into it after a sale.

Speaking of which, I’m overdue for a good cry myself.

To Infinity and Beyond: The Future of Defeated Measure 97
Just to warn you up front, that headline will be better than all of this text under it. I was just reading a piece Oregon Public Broadcasting did on the future movements of those who backed 97’s corporate tax hike, and I’m pleased to see that they’re promising to keep fighting for what they believe is a fair, smart way to raise a ton of money for the state. Personally, I agree with them wholeheartedly, though I voted against 97 because I read the measure and found it to be on the dangerous side of sloppy. Or the sloppy side of dangerous. Either way, that’s my prerogative, which is obviously of no consequence to anyone.

What does matter, though, is that when a good piece of law fails—in this case, by a whopping 20 percentage points—those who are behind it find smarter ways to make it more palatable for the whole population. After a campaign with what I’d personally call “total &%@! horsesh*t” being flung on both sides… horsesh*t that didn’t address the actual problematic potentialities, but instead a bunch of “don’t do this /do this because I run a grocery store/have cows hind me” stuff.

Blah, enough of that. I’m sure on that point we can all agree. Would be nice to have a powerful measure pushed through one day, but the typical outcome is what we got with a gutted Affordable Care Act. Oh well. I guess it’s a good thing none of this is really depressing, right?

Elliott State Forest’s Single Bid
Just like when I put my toenail collection up on eBay (which, as it turns out, is prohibited), when Elliott State Forest completed its “for the love of God, buy me, we need money” auction, it had only gotten one bid. Was this bidder a genius, or an idiot? Well, comments weren’t responded to after I didn’t actually reach out to the institution in question, Lone Rock Timber Management.

From Roseburg, this timber company submitted a bit along with a tribe of Umpqua Indians known as the Cow Creek Band. Together they offered the $220.8 million that the state requested for all 82,000 acres.

There’s a whole bunch of other interesting stuff going on with this, including endangered species, ornery sportsmen, letters to the Department of State Lands, quotes from people with fancy titles, etc. But in solidarity with Facebook’s populist news infrastructure, I’ll just give you this blurb and we can both pretend there’s nothing else to be thought about—such as why there was only one bid.

By Johnny Beaver

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