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ParkMusic_Thursday26Thursday, 26

Music in the Park, Philomath City Park Gazebo, 299 S 23rd St., Philomath. 6 p.m. Free

What can I tell you? I put on for my city. It’s as simple as that. And I lay my head in Philomath. We like logging, beer, and Eats & Treats. If you’re not on board with that, you’re really missing out on a full life. Fortunately the city of Philomath is now putting on this awesome, free music-in-a-park series that is sure to give the wonderful Corvallis version a run for its money. This will be the first event of the series which features a different musical group playing each month. Up first is the Philomath High School Jazz Band. They’re warriors of jazz music, I promise you that.

Spring Sing, First United Methodist, 1165 SW Monroe Ave. 7:30 p.m. $10 to $12

OSU’s Bella Voce and the OSU Meistersingers will be blazing the vocals at this show which goes down at FU Meth Church, as I like to call it. Obviously a “meth church” would be a fascinating life experience, particularly for first timers (meaning anyone who’s never been to Arizona, Oklahoma, or Pennsylvania). But that’s not where your focus should be. This is great local singing performed by OSU’s finest all-women and all-men choirs. One quick suggestion, if I may: have both choirs get together at the end of the show for one song altogether, but make it a showdown where they’re zapping each other with challenges and insults, like a choral battle-rap. It could be called Spring Sing Zing. And with that, he officially jumped the shark of terrible writing.

Friday, 27

Market of Dreams: The Secret to Happiness, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. $12 to $14

Tart of the Valley is back with another surely scintillating burlesque show. I haven’t got a clue what Market of Dreams is about, but I’m pretty open to it. There will be fun and risqué dancing and general saucy performery (that’s a word, right?), so unless this is an erotic telling of the life and times of Henry Kissinger, I’m pretty sure this will be great. This is just another of the many ways in which the Majestic is making your life better, so not going to this would be akin to the first cavemen that discovered fire choosing to live in the dark and eat their food raw anyway. Which is to say, it would be a cataclysmic and species-threatening mistake.


Meet the Author: Ruby McConnell, Grass Roots Books & Music, 227 NW 2nd St. 7 p.m. Free

Ruby McConnell is a geologist and lover of the great outdoors. Come see her talk about and probably sign copies of her extremely well-received book, A Woman’s Guide to the Wild. The Wall Street Journal, of all publications, called this beautifully illustrated book (art by Teresa Grasseschi) “a handy pocket guide to being a happy camper.” Presumably before the 220-year-old bald guy who wrote the review fell asleep for the third time that day. But don’t hold that against Ruby McConnell or Grass Roots. Because they’re really putting their backs into this whole crafting-a-literate-world-full-of-art-and-wonder thing.




Saturday, 28

Tim Karplus Band, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 8 p.m. Mystery pricing

The Tim Karplus Band is back in action, reminding us all of the very fragile nature of humanity and the raw effervescence of a power trio. And if writing like that makes the vom rise in the back of your throat like it does mine, you’ll no doubt be keen to wash the taste out of your mouth with a night of R-O-C-K with the ol’ TKB. As Helix famously put it, “Whatcha got? Rock. And what we gonna do? Rock you.” But they were Canadian, so by “rock” I can only assume they meant sway gently and maybe hold hands. But I digress. Tim Karplus Band, man. Dig it.


Lauren Crosby, Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 8 p.m. Free

Lauren is a real up-and-comer on the folk scene. She’s here all the way from Maine, and something tells me she’ll find a receptive audience at the ‘Pooia, a place that never hosted a folk band it didn’t like. Other than the time GG Allin’s short-lived folk experiment, The Sh*t & Piss Quilters, played there. That show did not go the direction I expected it to… I mean other than the bodily fluids and self-mutilation. Where was I? Oh yeah, Lauren Crosby; she’s good at music.


Sunday, 29

Majestic Reader’s Theatre Presents Love Alone, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 3 and 7 p.m. $10 to $12

Reader’s Theatre is one of the coolest little things that goes down around Corvallis. So if you miss it, we’re mortal enemies. This edition is directed by the crazy-hardworking Wendy Cortright and will undoubtedly be lush, romantic, and moving. I didn’t google the play Love Alone to know what it’s about, but I’m guessing those adjectives work for it. If I’m mistaken, then this play will likely be about two zany ice cream truck employees who foil an international terror plot. I’m pretty good at doing my background research on these sorts of things…

Spindrift Sip & Savor Featuring Jim Martinez, 810 Applegate St., Philomath. 12 p.m. Free-ish

I only call this event free-ish, because you’ll have to buy some wine and/or food to really enjoy yourself. But this will be one of the more enjoyable events to enjoy the newer hotter Philomath with. Philomath is re-branding itself as the Ashland of the Valley. If that makes any sense or sounds like a good thing to you, you’re not going to want to miss this event. Jim Martinez will be there strumming softly and sweetly on his acoustic guitar as well, and if that makes any sense or sounds good to you, again, you’re not going to want to miss this. I, for one, have no idea who or what Jim Martinez is, so the jury is still out.

Monday, 30

Amadoo’s Crew and Weese, Interzone, 1563 NW Monroe Ave. 8 p.m. $5
If you’ve ever read this column before you know I jock Corvallis DIY real hard. I’m like a 13-year-old at their first Blink 182 concert when it comes to Corvallis DIY. These are the only dudes bringing punk into Corvallis, and for that, I salute them. For they are those who are about to rock. This time they’ve brought Amadoo’s Crew, on tour from Phoenix, AZ and they’re used to desert heat, and will be playing on foreign soil. So please be nice when you explain to them that the water hitting them from the sky is called “rain.” Weese is our Oregon contribution to this show that is the best thing happening in the tri-county area this Monday.


Memorial Day Patriotic Pops Concert, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 7 p.m. Free

If I had a nickel for every concert my parents dragged me to when I was a kid that featured mainly the marches of a one John Philip Sousa, I’d have, to quote the great Oscar Wilde, “a sh*tload of nickels.” So I’ll be passing on this event, lest it send me into flashbacks of being a seven-year-old going catatonic from boredom on July 4. But if you have even an ounce of patriotism or pride in the ol’ US of A, you’re going to want to take advantage of this free event. And bring your kids, because they’re all turning into pinkos with this newfangled MTV they’re all watching… ::he muttered to himself while twitching and swatting at an imaginary fly::

Tuesday, 31

Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free

Join us for another dark noir classic filmed by the brilliant John Alton. It’s Alton’s third appearance at #CMNYK in Alfred Werker’s docu-thriller, He Walked by Night. It’s a little like M meets Dragnet and it’s a complete hoot. Oh, and there’ll be a silent short film with live music played right in the theater by local musical beasts Justin Schepige and Kevin Van Walk of DTW and the Van Meyers. Not to mention newsreels, cartoons, and other weird treats from the year of the film’s release. So in short, what I’m saying is, why in the name of Derek G. F*ckknobs are you not at this event? It’s weekly, and it’s free. And if you’re not there, you’re the worst.


OSU University Chorale, First Congregational UCC, 4515 SW West Hills Rd. 7:30 p.m. Free

University Chorale. What is it? It’s a question often posed by the imbecilic and poorly informed. But it’s a thing, and it consists mostly of singing beautifully. I’ve only recently noticed how many singing groups there are in Corvallis. I’m basically writing about a different one every week. Whether it’s the Meistersingers or the Jubilate! crew, Corvallisites be warbling. Get in on the beauty at the First Congregational UCC, and be sure to tell them Ygal sent you. I’m not a member of this church and they have no idea who I am, but if I understand the format correctly, they’re into wise Jews with big followings, right? I should fit right in…

Wednesday, 1

McCall Lecture: Rep. Peter DeFazio, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 6 p.m. Free

If I understand the format of this lecture correctly—and I’m almost positive I do—attendees are permitted to bring pitchforks, torches, and crudely constructed effigies of the good Representative which they intend to burn. So feel free to get as artsy and demonstrative as possible in your protest of the politician. Also, Bernie acolytes who plan to protest peacefully and do a ritual smudging ceremony are encouraged to be aware of their surroundings and not stand too close to the more violent protesting segment, who will likely find themselves getting pepper-sprayed. Enjoy this vital tool for discourse in our democracy. And you’re under arrest.

Open Mic!, Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 7:30 p.m. Free

I love open mic nights, wherever they be. This one is fun because of the excitement, the raw energy—oh, and the good booze. It’s not that I don’t love the open mic nights at Imagine and other places like that, it’s just that there’s conclusively nothing that goes better with a terrible, untalented, and completely oblivious local musician than alcohol. Meth gives it a run for its money, but usually ends in violence. No, for my money (or for free in this case), I’ll take booze every time. See you there.

Thursday, 2

Open Source Improv, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 9 p.m. Free

I’ve seen these guys, and I can tell you, they’re pretty funny. Not Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton doing a pop & lock routine together while Jaden Smith provides a dubstep beat with his mouth funny, but pretty close. And short of asking for an even remotely complex order at most of the restaurants in town and then taking bets around the table on what will show up and how close to your order it will actually be, you won’t find a more amusing pastime in town. Certainly not this particular Thursday.

Rusty Hinges, Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany 7:30 p.m. Free

Rusty Hinges, Rusty Hinges, Rusty Hinges. Didn’t expect to see you again so soon. Or did I? The weeks are blurring together. But apparently it’s been about a month since the last time I badgered you to go hang with one of Corvallis’ favorite Americana acts. Once again, they’re at the ‘Pooia and they’re playing for free. I sort of feel like you owe it to them at this point, but I could be totally wrong. I just found out my car is dead and I need to buy a new one, so I’m a little distracted. Also, climate change has been looming in my thoughts…

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