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GetSMart_Thursday28Thursday, 28

Get Smart, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 23nd St. 7:30 p.m. $12 to $14

Well, this looks awesome. Are you serious? A Get Smart stage show? I’m down. Fans of the property before Steve Carrell murdered the absolute piss out of it will likely also be stoked to see the next generation keeping it alive. This is a Santiam Christian High production, so I’m imagining kids sitting on each other’s shoulders in trench coats to simulate full-size adults in a madcap spy comedy romp. What? I’m not great at pegging ages. But seriously, step out of the cone silence and come see a show. I can’t imagine there’s a single one of these kids who ever saw the original, so I’m stoked for their interpretation of Maxwell Smart.

Marys River Grange Movie Night, Marys River Grange Hall, 24707 Grange Hall Rd., Philomath. 7 p.m. Free

Marys River Grange Movie Night is so hot right now, Marys River Grange Movie Night. You know what I’m saying? Last show had people from Corvallis and people from Philomath meeting and greeting, Grange members meeting members of the general public. Popcorn, murder, mayhem, all that good stuff. This week we got Fred Astaire, Jane Powell, and a cast of thousands in Stanley Donen’s musical dance masterpiece, Royal Wedding (1951). Fred dances on the ceiling and your feet will be tapping on the floor. I will probably be in the back trying to mimic the dance moves, so please ignore the loud crashes.

Friday, 29

Fever Flash & Zebra and Scratchdog Stringband, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free

Fever Flash & Zebra is another side project from Corvallis renaissance dude Joe Withee. This time he’ll be playing rock ‘n’ roll with his good pals Johnny Flannery and Jake Sellers. And if you’re out there right now pretending to have ever heard of those two guys, congrats; you, too, could possibly write this column. Scratchdog Stringband is just another Americana band with handsome young musicians who would likely sh*t a brick if they ever saw what life was really like in Kentucky. But they do like the music, and so do we. They’re sort of great. And for free? Bargain. This is actually going to be an amazing show. But I’m not going to adjust my cynical tone, because I already committed to it.


Emerald City Jazz Kings, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 7:30 p.m. $12.50 to $25

ECJK is back in town at their favorite spot, and one of the classiest joints in Corvallis, LaSells. Will you be there, too? Only time, and your checking account, will tell. This is one of the pricier acts to come through C-Town, but they’re also big and have many mouths to feed, and really $25 isn’t exactly like throwing down loot for floor seats to Springsteen at MSG. So I guess go? Or don’t, but remember that you didn’t when the jazzstapo comes beating down your door demanding to see your papers. They mean ticket stubs. Jeez, that got super dark…


Saturday, 30

Oregon Valley Boys, Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 8 p.m. Free

Oh yes, Oregon Valley Boys. Yes. A thousand times yes. I would go see these guys play on the top floor of a building engulfed in flames, so getting to see them at a very flame retardant ‘Pooia with a cold drink is just a dream. These cowboys are fantastic at what they do. And what they do is Western swing. Or is it pronounced “swang?” I have no idea. But whatever these unpretentious and fun-loving country cowboys are doing, they should not change a thing. Warning: Only go to this show if you love smooth twangy guitars, gorgeous harmonies, and smiling faces. I’m working on liking smiles just so I won’t get kicked out. It’s hard, though, because I have such a black heart, you see…


Crooked, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free

The finest in bro-rock out of Siletz, Crooked is here to strum sweetly in your ear. There’s bongos, acoustic guitars, and just a hint of Sublime. So clearly I’ll be there… or wait, wait, no, maybe instead I’ll just stay at home and devise a Rube Goldberg machine with an endgame that puts out a cigarette in my eye. But I recognize that not everyone shares my taste in music. And if you like light rock infused with reggae, hip hop, and young handsome bros enjoying each other’s musk, then this is basically going to be the 1969 Newport Jazz Festival of your week. See you there!


Sunday, 31

Majestic Reader’s Theatre Presents Skylight, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 23nd St. 3 and 7 p.m. $10 to $12

If you’ve ever read this column, or had your life changed by my performance at the Majestic last year in an Adult Evening of Shel Silverstein, then you know I will pump up Reader’s Theatre 10 times out of 10. I love everything the Majestic is doing right now and I urge you all to be a part of it. Reader’s Theatre is a particularly fun little thing where they put on a live and energetic production of a play, only nobody wastes time memorizing lines because they can have their scripts with them on stage. True story: at the last show, one of the leads got a nasty paper cut in the middle of the performance, and just rolled right along, not even stopping the whole thing in its tracks and demanding a bandage. It’s called dedication. Look it up.

Blues Jam, Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 p.m. Free

Huh. Blues Jam or the Pro Bowl? It’s sort of a no-brainer, because the Pro Bowl is boring and terrible. Also because of the whole concussion thing…
What? Too soon? Seriously? When did you all turn into such a bunch of wet blankets? That’s good wordplay and I stick by it. Oh yeah, also Blues Jam is going strong, and I think I’ve now urged you to check it out 54 times in the last 52 weeks. I don’t know, if you’re not going to go to this, maybe plan a better alternative. I’ll write about it and everything. Oh, also, Blues Jam is a weekly free blues music free for all. I get so wrapped up in my hilarity sometimes I forget the basics. Blues is an American roots music…

Monday, 1

Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free

Bryson Skaar is still doing it. Week in, week out, he’s the most reliable thing in town that isn’t local police ticket quotas enraging me. I would tell you all to go see Bryson play even if he had just dated my ex-girlfriend, thus violating “bro-code.” I hate to Bry-labor this point, but I f*cks with Bryson Skaar. It’s the only code I live by. All other codes go out the window when Bry cracks his knuckles and sits down in front of the Casio. Including my code of ethics, so keep your hands on your purses, wallets, and laptops at all times.

Alice in Wonderland Open Auditions, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 23nd St. 7 p.m. Free

Well I haven’t gotten any “thank you” bouquets from the staff at Jack Okole’s, so I’m going to go ahead and assume my idea for an economically stimulating flash mob fell flat. How about this then? Go try out for the next big production at the Majestic, which will be the classic tales of Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. It’s going to be awesome and fun, and I can tell you from firsthand experience that when you get up on the stage to audition, the laughs and taunts and rotten fruit throwing hurts at first. But only at first. After that, a sort of emotional callus develops and you can pretty much endure anything. I recommend trying out for this show before having any long, serious, disappointing conversations with your parents. Like for sure if you’re about to put them in a home, do this first.

Tuesday, 2

Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free

It’s been a minute since we showed a romantic drama at CMNYK. In fact you’d have to go all the way back to the Sept. 22 screening of A Star is Born. So I think this is a pretty glaring bit of evidence that I’m not as amazing a curator as I thought. I was trying to keep a steady mix of all genres. But the good news is, February is a month for lovers. And I got your back with the hecka-romantic The Last Time I Saw Paris (1954) starring the immortal Elizabeth Taylor, and the somewhat less immortal Van Johnson. It’s beautiful, heartbreaking, and a challenging bit of melodrama from the brilliant and underappreciated genius Richard Brooks. CMNYK has never been hotter, people, it’s time you jumped on the bandwagon, don’t you think?


Celtic Jam, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free

Does ringing in the new month with some Irish ditties sound like a swell plan to you? And is your favorite House of Pain CD worn out from too many spins in the ol’ ghettoblaster? Then you’re in luck, because Celtic Jam has got your back in a big way. Break out your mandolins, violins, flutes, fiddles, and your Notre Dame jerseys (which, if I understand this correctly, are not offensive? How does that make any sense?) because Celtic Jam is back for another free night of sweet serenades from the Emerald Isle.

Wednesday, 3

Bobby’s Oar, Hi Ho Silver, Away! and Dumb Luck, Interzone, 1563 NW Monroe Ave 7:30 p.m. Free

In my neverending quest to judge bands by their names and push any non-“Americana” act in town, I bring you one of my favorite bands (and band names) to play around here, Hi Ho Silver, Away! And this week they’re joined by Seattle import, the impeccably named, Bobby’s Oar, who it is to be presumed will teach us a thing or two about “old time hockey.” Dumb Luck? I don’t know what to tell you, but I bet they’re great, too. But back to the drawing board on the band name, or at least get some advice from Silver and Bobby. They’re nailing it.

Kiera & Sebastian, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free

Kiera Lynn and Sebastian De La Vega-King will play a little singer-songwriter-y type set at Bombs, and I for one can’t wait to have a reaction to that news. I haven’t had it yet though, so I can’t really give you a feeling about this show either way. I’ll get back to you later when the news of this free singer-songwriter show finally sets in. I think I’m just in shock right now, really. Why yes, I would love a blanket to throw over my shoulders and a cup of cocoa.

Thursday, 4

Rusty Hinges Band, Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 7:30 p.m. Free

Oh snap. It’s the Rusty Hinges band, back in action for their seemingly monthly, or even bi-monthly, gig at the ‘Pooia. I’m excited about it, even though I likely won’t be able to go because I’m taking my wife out on a date that night. Couldn’t I do both? Couldn’t I even take her on a date to see Rusty Hinges? Thereby achieving the mythical feet of slaying two avian creatures with only one naturally occurring spherical object? You bet your a*s I could. But we have a pretty gross regular monthly date, and it involves going to Oil Can Henry’s for dinner. I’ll let your imagination do the rest. If you want to wash that image out of your head, this would be a great show to do it at. Rusty Hinges for free. You’re welcome.

Open Source Improv, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 9 p.m. Free

I don’t know how well these guys thought out this open source thing. Doesn’t that just mean everyone can steal their material? I’m going to teach them a valuable lesson about intellectual property rights by showing up at this thing and recording all the best jokes. Stay tuned to hear them in next week’s 8 Days. Then I think we can put to rest this crazy business about “open source” comedy. End audition. So what do you guys think? Am I in the Improv troupe or what? Hello? Is this thing on…?

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