Asterion & Patrimony, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free
Get the lead out, people. It’s Asterion and Patrimony live at Bombs. Asterion is a sort of modern metal that some will love and others will likely hate. Patrimony is just one of the hardest working hard rock bands in town and you should all know them well at this point. This is a couple of Oregon acts busting a*s to get ahead in the dog-eat-dog music world. Will they make it? I remain skeptical, but that shouldn’t stop you all from supporting them. Without your eyes and ears, they would literally shrivel up and die. If a prog-metal band shreds in a forest and there’s nobody there to hear it, does it make a sound? Philosophical questions from a guy who knows how to dance.
Marys River Grange Movie Night, Marys River Grange Hall, 24707 Grange Hall Rd., Philomath. 7 p.m. Free
The last edition of MRGMN really started to ramp things up—we saw some crossover of Corvallisites into Philomath, and I was loving it. This week we should see that trend continue, as we screen And Then There Were None (1945), the legendary and brilliant Agatha Christie adaptation. It’s a deviously funny and thrilling mystery that will thrill and entertain even the most cynical hater. The movie is fabulous, the Grange is gorgeous and welcoming, and the amazing Philomath community brings crazy good treats. This is the future of community screenings, so get used to it, people. We’re here to stay.
The Shook Twins with Anna Tivel, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. $22 ($20 for seniors, students, members)
The Shook Twins are a national touring act out of Portland that most of you have probably heard of. They play a nifty little brand of folk that includes many instruments, loops, and other little tricks to make you forget that you’re more or less listening to buskers with a tour manager. But they are pretty damn good. Anna Tivel will warm things up for the twins, and she also plays a really soft and sweet brand of folk that will have you thinking all the thoughts and feeling all the emotions. I mean, not me, but you. I’m too cold and cynical to feel things. Songs about love and loss and universal things we’ve all experienced? Eh, I’ll be playing video games on my phone and wondering if any of the odd itches I’m feeling might be cancer.
Landon Wordswell, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 10 p.m. Possibly free
I honestly have no idea if this show will be free or not, but Landon Wordswell is a dude who raps. And the rap is the music all the kids are listening to, so maybe you turn off that Cab Calloway record that hasn’t left your gramophone since your pappy gave it to you, and check out some of this hippity hop music everyone’s so keen on. LW opened for Warren G when he was in town a while back, and I think it’s fair to say every single person who was at that show… knows the words to “Regulators.” That said, Landon Wordswell is a dude who raps. See him live at Clouds for the yet-to-be-determined price of probably-free-if-you-wait-till-the-bouncer-takes-a-pee-break-and-just-sneak-in.
Fruition, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $15
Wow, the only things that cost $15 at Bombs are the toppest of top shelf liquors, the gold leaf-encrusted wagyu burger, and that dude who waits in the parking lot offering to follow you to your car. So I can only imagine how good the band that costs that much at Bombs is. I’m thinking this will essentially be Zeppelin with Paul McCartney filling in for John Paul Jones and Hannibal Burress on drums in place of Bonham. Because obviously nobody in this town is shelling out $15 for an alt-country band… OK then, apparently I stand corrected and you’re all going to this show. Can I get a ride?
Improv Smack Down, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. $12 ($10 seniors, students, members)
I wasn’t able to make it to the last Improv Smack Down, so I cannot comment on whether anybody got smacked and how down they were for that. But while we’re naming things after dated colloquialisms, why not call this thing the Improv Talk-to-the-Hand? Just throwing out some helpful suggestions. This thing will pit two talented improv comedy teams against each other in competitive funniness. One squad is repping Two Towns and the other is putting on for Calapooia Brewing Co. My money’s on the team of scrappy and somewhat hilarious locals…
Blues Jam, Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 p.m. Free
Now if you’re the type of person who is disinclined to spend $15 on a concert, this is probably going to be music to your ears, both literally, figuratively, and a new word I just coined, bluesally. Is there anything I love more than throwing the wife and kids in the minivan and heading over to Albany for some free blues? There sure isn’t. Also, I have no kids, so take everything I say with multiple grains of salt. Like a Lot’s wife-ian amount of salt.
Hoolyeh Folkdance, First Congregational Church, 4515 W Hills Rd. 7 p.m. $3
Just throw your hands in the air, and wave them like you may or may not care. And if you love to folk dance with your pals from the community, let me hear you say, “Hool-yeah!” I guess Landon Wordswell won’t be the only one rapping his a*s off this week. But if a rap show isn’t your cup of tea, perhaps a folk dance lesson with this awesome local group will be? Also they will probably have free tea for you to drink there, so it might literally be your cup of tea. Boy, I really hook all you up with the good stuff, don’t I?
Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free
How many times can I exhort you to go see this dude play piano for free in the warmth and serenity of the ‘Gine? I feel like I’ve done it a trillion times. Here goes a trillion plus one; jazz piano is just fabu, and nobody does it like Bryson (by which I mean competently and for free) every week. If that’s not enough to make you go, I don’t know what is. OK, how about this? I will pay you hot, stinky, sweaty, cash money to come see this dude play. Just find me at the venue and I will hand you bread. Now the key is to find me…
Bareknuckle Brawl, Empty Lot, Corner of 53rd St. and Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free
Oh you know Corvallis is pretty bustling on this Monday. So I really had my work cut out for me in trying to identify the one thing to do in town. After considering several of the big name acts playing in town this Monday, I ultimately had to go with a dark horse event, and it is not live music. That’s right folks, it’s a street fight. Show up at the lot on the corner where the Fish Bus is usually parked between 6 and 7 for the pre-tussle public drinking. Then at 7 p.m. sharp; semi-organized, un-refereed fisticuffs. For your enjoyment. You’re welcome. But remember, the first rule of Beaver Bareknuckle Brawls is “Always wear eye protection.” Or wait, “Never wear eye protection?” You know what, I don’t organize these things, I just bet on them. Please show up to this.
Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free
Vincent Price has appeared at CMNYK before, but only at the Halloween Special. This is the legendary actor’s first appearance at Community Movie Night proper, so don’t miss it. Here we get an eyeful of the tall and debonair Price in Ubaldo Ragona’s The Last Man on Earth (1964). Based on Richard Matheson’s classic novel, I Am Legend, this is the first of three film adaptations, and probably the most fun and most atmospheric. Don’t miss this campy and beautifully directed classic of the sci-fi and horror genres in a room with 40 to 60 of your closest Corvallis pals at CMNYK, Corvallis’ favorite screening series that is free, on Tuesdays, hosted by a Gemini and occurs at the Darkside. We’re way more popular than those other screening series which share all those characteristics…
Byrgeau Noil, Mons La Hire, and Steve Hunter, Interzone, 1563 NW Monroe Ave. 7:30 p.m. Free
Byrgeau Noil is a fun little alternative act out of Denver that will likely charm you right into buying tons of merch. Mons La Hire is a more local outfit that I’ve given elaborate positive word of mouth to before, and in exchange they used a quote of mine on their now infinitely less confusing website. Does that mean we’ve got a whole musical bromance going on? I don’t know. Does parking my car outside their practice studio three nights a week and screaming into a paper bag while I write their name over and over in a notebook and clip painful things to my nipples sound like a bromance to you? If it does, we would probably get along. This show is also free, by the by, so let’s just go ahead and crown it with show-of-the-week honors.
Nightmare Alley (1947), Whiteside Theatre, 361 SW Madison Ave. 7 p.m. $7 ($6 for students, seniors; $5 for members)
The Whiteside’s obnoxiously good noir series continuies in January with this third installment, Nightmare Alley, starring the great Tyrone Power. This is a wonderful and important classic noir offering, and seeing it at the Whiteside, in the same digs your very own grandparents possibly saw the film 70 years ago, is almost too good to pass up. That said, I probably will pass it up because Wednesday is taco night at my house. But seeing as none of you are invited to that, you should definitely go to this instead.
CBCPL Book Club, Corvallis Benton County Public Library, 645 NW Monroe Ave. 7 p.m. Free
What can I tell you? If you’re not interested in going to this event, not only are you a book-burning fascist (clearly) but you also would clearly rather go to the Snoop Dogg concert happening on campus at the same time. Oh what’s that you say? There is no Snoop concert? OK, then we’ll settle for a more regional act that’s probably blowing through town. What’s that you say? There is no regional act blowing through town? You see where I’m going with this, right? It’s either book club, Whiteside movie night, or dinner at my house. And I assure you, you’re very much not invited to my house.
Coin of the Realm, Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 8 p.m. Free
These guys just kick a non-insubstantial amount of a*s. I love this band and would strongly recommend them to not only you, but also friends and loved ones who came to visit. Have I ever had a friend or loved one come to visit? Have I ever even had a friend or loved one? All good questions, but that shouldn’t factor in to you going to see Coin of the Realm, they’re fabulous and play an eclectic blend of Eastern Euro-gypsy-folk. And they’re fun and approachable, and my new favorite band in town. Go now. For free. OK, well don’t go now. I mean, go when the show is actually happening. But go.
Curtis Monette, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free
Mony Mony now, if you know what I mean. You don’t, huh? Well that was a famous song by Tommy James and the Shondells, and Curtis Monette will hopefully cover it at this show. It’s really the least he can do after I write about his kicka*s monthly free show like every month. You feel me, Curt? Mony Mony. Let’s do this. Ride the pony, etc.