Linn-Benton Backwash: The ‘I Quit’ Edition

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linnbentonbackwash1Thanks to a fancy windmill erected at E.E. Wilson Wildlife Area just outside of Corvallis, trout will be able to breathe much easier in the accompanying pond. At least until the hundreds of anglers that flock there every year trick them into biting hooks that rip through their jaws and allow them to be yanked out of the water.

Last weekend Corvallis experienced a mix of sun, clouds, and wind. Climate specialists refer to this as “weather.”

Lebanon has, at long last, removed the “Indian” logo from its high school gym. Now they just have to work on getting the students to understand that Native Americans aren’t from India.

Albany has received the necessary land use application from WinCo asking to build a new store at the site of the now defunct K-Mart. People who like to be able to afford food have been spotted setting off fireworks and rejoicing in the streets. Meanwhile, some jackass fired a pistol out of his window and hit a garage and a truck. The recklessly ugly David Becker was arrested on several counts of doing stupid stuff. Cops seized methamphetamine and a few bongs from his apartment… he says people were following him. Apparently they were considered to be of calamitous intent.

Phillip Wagner of Lebanon, 58, was sentenced to 25 years in prison last month for sex crimes and possession of a sad mustache. But not all is lost… the Red Cross just delivered a bunch of smoke alarms to the city, free of charge, to prevent deaths and property damage!

The Lebanon Log: Ladies and gentlemen… this is no joke. On May 7, a Lebanon woman was scammed out of a $60 online deposit that she thought was for the purchase of… a monkey. She then called the police and actually told them about it. I… I’m at a total loss for words.

I’m done. I quit.

By Johnny Beaver

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