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linnbentonbackwash1Cementing Corvallis as the reigning Slowest Village on Earth, the Whiteside Theatre will be showing The Wizard of Oz... once. And that’s the first time it has shown a movie in 13 years. A chairperson belonging to the Whiteside was reported as having expressed concern that children might be scared by the witch and evil monkeys. This reporter can only wonder if said person has seen a cartoon anytime during the last three decades.

The Homeless Enrichment and Resource Team (HEART) helped get over 150 homeless individuals medical and dental screenings, housing and job help, haircuts and more in Albany last week. Meanwhile in Corvallis, the Homeless Strike Force (HSF) reported that they were getting closer to securing a rug large enough to roll them all up in before tossing it out on I-5 near Portland.

The Lebanon Log: On May 8, a few teens were counseled by police after it had been reported that they were repeatedly jumping out into traffic (you know, for fun).

On May 9, some guy got drunk and started rolling around in the road, telling officers that he had had a hard day and thought he should get drunk… fair enough.

On May 12, police determined that a limping turkey was doing just fine on its own and didn’t need to be captured. This was because people had been trying to catch it for at least a week and couldn’t.

On May 13, a cat was shot with a pellet gun either before or after a high school student sent nude selfies to other students.

And then, last but certainly not least, on May 14 a 62-year-old man dressed as Spider-Man, carrying a soda and a large hunting knife, was reported harassing people in the street. This is almost as good as that old bat that tried to buy the monkey online in the last edition.

By Johnny Beaver

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