Linn-Benton Backwash

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linnbentonbackwash1Earlier this week a man was arraigned on multiple charges stemming from an incident in which he allegedly chased some people through Corvallis’ Central Park with an ax, making verbal threats… in addition to the ax threat. Apparently the quote was, “I’m the ax man. I’m gonna get you.” Not terribly original, but it has a sort of classic sentimentality to it. Apparently he has a history of, shall we say, disorderly behavior, including firearms possession. Awesome.

Apparently there is some breaking news about OSU doing a hemp study, but as many will point out, students in the area have been studying it for decades.

A woman in Albany reported a telephone call in which a man threatened to kill her if she did not give him $5,000. Police tried calling the number, but it was disconnected. Obviously we’re dealing with a CIA-trained super hacker.

There was a foot chase in Albany recently when officers pursued a man for failing to register as a sex offender, but as far as I can tell no stacks of boxes were knocked over or anything, so it fails to live up to cinema standards.

Albany takes a huge dump on culture as it rejects a measure that would have required 1 percent of all construction funds to be spent on public art. In all honesty, though, who the hell is surprised? Some idiot city councilor named Rich Kellum said, “Nobody died because art didn’t happen.” I’m assuming he dropped out of school during the 8th grade.

A livestock truck overturned in Lebanon on Halloween. I literally have nothing else to add to that.

The Lebanon Log: On Oct. 30, two sisters got in a brawl that ended with one punching the other in the face and giving her a bloody nose. Later that day someone called the cops to report two juveniles trying to sell “THC Jell-O shots” in Ralston Park. During the day of our Lord, Nov. 1, God failed to protect the Lebanon First Baptist Church from vandals. On Nov. 3, a man purse was stolen on Fourth Street and a man tried, but failed, to get gas at the northern-most Chevron station without paying. And as for the fourth? Well, on that day some lady paid $2,160 to some “over-the-phone computer repair” scammers. I guess she didn’t realize she could buy a new one for like $400.

By Johnny Beaver

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