Linn-Benton Backwash

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linnbentonbackwash1A motorcycle stolen from the Oregon State University campus here in Corvallis was involved in a high-speed chase throughout Linn and Lane counties. The cyclist in question, one 35-year-old David Lewallen, bailed off of the bike in Brownsville and tried to swim away from police in the Calapooia River. Apparently he was sh*t at swimming, because they got him 100 yards later. Linn County Undersherrif Jim Yon was quoted by the Gazette-Times as saying, “He knew he was had and he couldn’t go any further, so he started to swim away. It’s unusual.” Apparently Jim Yon has never played Grand Theft Auto, because I do that very thing all the time.

I just fell asleep reading about how a Corvallisite was named Miss Rodeo Oregon, and how it was special because her sister used to have the title. I think I’ll get more excited about rodeos when they cease to act as a symbol for animal abuse.

A Lebanon man by the name of Matthew Thomas Schuler was arrested last week and charged with 103 counts of first-degree encouraging child sexual abuse, a child pornography offense. They also found 13 heavily watched Blu-ray discs of Mr. Holland’s Opus.

The blaze that destroyed the clubhouse at the Mallard Creek clubhouse (a handful of miles outside of Lebanon) was suspicious enough to be investigated, but has been ruled not suspicious after all. All of this seems quite suspicious.

The Lebanon Log: On Aug. 30 two Big Gulps were stolen from the 7-11 for a loss of $1.98. On Sept. 1 a man was spotted walking around with a rifle and a pizza box on Main Street, a group of people were found brawling at Ralston Park, and a turkey obstructed traffic near Grant and Williams (yes, again). On Sept. 2 a 180-pound piece of petrified wood was stolen from someone’s house and some guy was seen shouting curse words at police on Main Street.

By Johnny Beaver


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