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OpenMic_Thursday5Thursday, 5

Free Range Open Mic Night, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free
Open mic nights are just my favorite thing ever, and that list of things open mics top includes your mom’s tuna casserole. So don’t even ask. Just show up. For free. And bring rotten cabbage, because I can tell you from firsthand experience they don’t hand it out at the door. They weirdly expect you to be respectful and not throw things at this open mic. Laaaaaaame…

Infinite Improv, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 9 p.m. Free

Local improv is way better than televised improv. I don’t know why, but I just don’t get into that Whose Line Is It, Anyway? stuff. I like my improv raw and local, like I like my sugar cane and my stray cats. One thing I think they don’t do enough of at this particular event is that, “Somebody name an adjective and a noun…” prompting stuff that’s so popular in middle school drama classes. Call me a fool for the classics, but I just like it when I shout out “feckless,” I need to hear someone else in the room shout “penis,” so we can then watch the performers pause and look at each other panicked while they attempt to characterize a feckless penis.

Friday, 6

The Beauty Queen of Leenane, CHS Black Box Theater, 1400 NW Buchanan Ave. 7:30 p.m. $15

I’ll be totally honest, for a minute there I wasn’t going to CHS shows because I was looking down my nose at high schoolers. I know, very uncool and pretty shallow of me. And you can imagine the not insignificant amount of egg on my face when I realized most of these shows aren’t even with high schoolers. As Plato once famously quipped, “derp.” CHS is putting on this fabulous-looking show by one of the best writers in the galaxy, Martin McDonagh (In Bruges), and it’s definitely going to be one of the most interesting shows of the fall. Miss at your own risk.

Books & Burlesque, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. $15 ($10 for members, seniors, students)

If you thought my embarrassing lack of knowledge was on display for CHS, just buckle up for how much I don’t know about this show. If I understand it correctly, drag divas and burlesque performers will act out/read from/wax philosophically about some classic books, live on stage for your entertainment. If that’s not your cup of tea, then I don’t know what you’re even doing reading this column. I would endorse this show over pretty much any event in town on any given night. Features a bevy of beauties from the local burlesque and drag scenes, including my favorite, Dahora Babylon.

Saturday, 7

Melville, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $5

These guys don’t play bluegrass, so I’m going to push them on you. Do I particularly love them? Not really. They deal in a very earnest and heartfelt brand of medium-soft alternative rock that is guaranteed to get you laid if you are a college-aged male courting a college-aged female in a movie from 1994. For those of us living not in a movie in 2015, you’re probably going to think to yourself, “Jeez, I liked these guys a lot better when they were called the Gin Blossoms…” But again, I have to point out: it’s not bluegrass/Americana/alt-country, so if you’d like to hear what a band that plays not that type of music sounds like, now’s basically your one chance until April.


No Direction Home, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7 p.m. $12 ($10 for members, seniors, students)

5 to 1 Theatre Company is presenting this, their second original production, at the Majestic and it looks dark and thought-provoking. Like that pot roast I tried to make last week, but in much better taste. A drama about a small town trying to protect their secrets and their souls in the face of the murder of their pastor. Religion and other hot-button issues will get a dramatic investigation in this production that is just one of many signs that the Majestic is thriving. Another sign: that guy I saw in front of the theater with his penis out the other day. You only get that in a really vibrant theater district.

Sunday, 8

The Crucible, CHS Black Box Theater, 1400 NW Buchanan Ave. 2 p.m. $12

CHS is on deck for a second time this week with this performance of the great Arthur Miller’s hyper-legendary parable about the Red Scare, The Crucible. This ranks among the best parables about McCarthyism, right up there with the episode of The Simpsons where Bart gets a girlfriend. Or maybe that’s not what that episode was about at all… At any rate, this masterpiece about a literal and figurative witch hunt is best enjoyed live on stage, as opposed to acted out in political chambers. Hey, don’t ask me why finger pointing and accusations are so popular in Congress. Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.

Blues Jam!, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free

It’s just that time of year, isn’t it? That time when you tie one on at four in the afternoon on a Sunday and listen to free blues. And not a moment too soon. That “time of year” where you constantly go out in the middle of the night seeking rare and unheard of narcotics and challenging stray dogs to foot races was really getting old. Nine straight months of rampant buffoonery is awesome, don’t get me wrong, it’s just my knees are killing me, and I could really go for a beer and some blues. Oh my God, I’m old.

Monday, 9

Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free

Bryson Skaar don’t care if EDM is the hottest music on the streets. And B-Skittles (as close friends and confidantes, like myself, sometimes call him) certainly doesn’t care if there’s a hip-hop renaissance on right now. And please believe, Skryson Baar just could not care less about pop music. My boy is all about that jazz. And if you’re all about that jazz, too, you’re going to want to start frequenting his free jamborees every Monday night. Because jazz.

Traditional West African Dance Classes, Oddfellows Hall, 223 SW 2nd St. 7:15 p.m. $10 to $12

It’s sort of surprising to see such a traditional get together at a venue literally named for its oddness. But I don’t question the venue assignment in this town. I just work here. But don’t sleep, because Fefafe plays live at this weekly event, and they’re terrific. And dancing is not only good, but good for you, and thus recommended by not only me, but my personal physician. And not to gloat or anything, but my personal physician is sort of a big deal. I mean, he takes care of me, after all…

Tuesday, 10

Warren G, Whiteside Theatre, 361 SW Madison Ave. 7 p.m. $15

Is this by far the biggest show to come through Corvallis this year? Yes. Is it one of the biggest names to come through here ever? Possibly. Is it worth the $15 cover charge? Undoubtedly. But let me ask you something honestly, and I want you to look into your heart: can you name a single other song of his than Regulators? If you can, I’ll mail you a check for $25. No limit on how many people can enter. Just email me naming one other Warren G song, and boom—check for $25 in the mail. Am I lying about sending money? Honestly, I’m so confident that none of you know a single one of his songs other than Regulators that I’ll wait to see how many entries I even get before I declare whether or not I was joking. I doubt I’d get three entries even if the prize was $10,000. All of which is to say, this show will be great, but let’s not walk around pretending any of us will be going for more than one tune.

Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free

I’m wondering if you all love Peter Lorre as much as me. Because I really like screening his films at CMNYK, in case you hadn’t noticed. Well guess what, he’s back, baby! For his unprecedented sixth appearance, I’ll be screening the British noir film, long thought to be lost, Double Confession (1950). In addition to Lorre, this taut and somewhat comic thriller features William Hartnell, more famous as the first actor to portray the Doctor on Doctor Who, and some rather wonderful plot twists as well. Don’t miss out on this noirish treat that will teach you a thing or two about filmmaking. Oh yeah, it’s free too.



Wednesday, 11

Chuck Holst & Gary Rowles, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free

I belabor the point that Gary Rowles is the former lead axe-man from one of the greatest (and most underappreciated) rock bands of all time so often, I wouldn’t blame you for tuning me out. But let me just point out, you guys turn out in droves to see some really pedestrian performers like all the time. This dude was blazing solos for Love when you were still in diapies and he hasn’t let up since. Well, maybe a little; this is a distinctly less hard rocking version of Rowles than you may have heard on the CDs. But dude still knows how to make the guitar scream.

Wednesday Acoustic Live & Heater Allen Tasting, 308 SW 3rd St. 4:30 p.m. Free-ish

Heater Allen sounds more like a posh furniture company (and trust me, I know—I used to live in San Francisco, which has more posh furniture outlets than Taco Bells) than a brewery, which it apparently is. But they will be at Les Caves, starting at 4:30, offering a wide sampling of their divans beers. But then after that tasting concludes, some acoustic music will be played. And based on the title of this event, I believe said acoustic music will be live. Will it be local favorites Gumbo or maybe Human Ottoman playing? Who knows? Advertising events at your establishment is for… newspapers… hey, wait a second…

Thursday, 12

The Yawpers, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 8 p.m. $8 ($5 for members, seniors, students)

The Majestic continues its current hot streak which I’m pretty sure, no bias, started with An Adult Evening of Shel Silverstein. A show which critics and my parents agree wholeheartedly, I was f*cking terrific in. This time it’s live music, not a play, from the Yawpers, in from Denver to bust heads and break hearts with their energetic, often shirtless, power-Americana. Now normally you all well know how much I’d be making a dismissive masturbation gesture while talking about Americana, but this show will actually, and righteously, kick f*cking a*s. Yeah, that’s two F-bombs in one blurb. The Yawpers got me all excited…

8Balls, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free

This is a classic rock cover band. Which means the members are three to five Caucasian males in their mid-50s. Now none of that changes the fact that this promises to be a hell of a fun show. But it does raise one interesting question. Why are middle-aged white dudes so bad at naming bands? 8Balls? Seriously, guys? Shoot me an email and I’ll hit you with no less than 30 band names that put this one to shame in a matter of minutes. Please specify in the email if you’re open to puns…

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