8 Days a Week…

abigail-single-artwork--1024x1024Thursday, 29

Vandfald and JT Nickel, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free

Vandfald is a band. I think. I don’t know, I don’t really care. Here’s the real scoop; JT Nickel is a f*cking yoyoer or yoyoist. Or whatever they’re called. Jesus, I don’t even know what to call professional yoyo performers, but this guy is one of those. He’s sponsored by Eugene’s One Drop Yo-Yos, purveyors of pro-level Oregon-made yo-yos. Are you goddamn kidding me, kids-these-days? This yo-yo website looks like a skateboard company site. Is this really a thing? They sell enough high-priced, hand-built yo-yos to justify a whole industry with sponsored stars and everything? I thought video games killed you, yo-yos, what are you doing here? And how is this a live show? Obviously if you’re not at the CMNYK Halloween double feature, you have to go to this show. Where it should again be noted something called Vandfald will also be.



Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman Halloween Special, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free

Oh hi there, CMNYK Halloween double feature. If you didn’t get your fill of classic movies and other junk on the big screen, then you’re in luck. For the second year in a row, there’s a CMNYK double feature of spooky/silly classic horror at the spooky/silly Darkside Cinema. At 7 p.m. it’s Vincent Price in The Tingler (1959) and then at 9 p.m. Arch Hall Jr. stars in the cult classic The Sadist (1963). For free. Happy Halloween.

Friday, 30

30 lb. Test and Radion, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $5

Just when I wasn’t sure if Corvallis was even passingly familiar with hard rock, two of our favorite frequenters stop by for some face meltage. Radion rocks hard as fudge, and they play here a lot, so don’t be the one person at your bridge club saying, “Who are these whippersnappers I’ve been hearing so much about? Radio or something? They sound like a bunch of tight pant-wearing criminals! Gin.” You say “gin” when you win at bridge, right? I’m not ashamed to admit I haven’t got the first f*cking clue how bridge is played or what the object of the game is, or if it’s even really a game and not a big practical joke senior citizens have been playing on the rest of the world for years, so we’d leave them alone to their sex and cocaine parties. What? Only my grandparents, huh? Anyway. 30 lb. Test and Radion: better than gin, and twice as rummy.



Wait for the Blackout, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 8 p.m. $12 ($10 for members, seniors, students)

I have no idea what to expect from this horror play, so I’m advising everyone to go. What is a horror play? Is there even a mild possibility of being scared by a play? Seems unlikely. Unlike comedy, horror lives in the close-up, not the long-shot, so that makes it particularly hard to be scary on stage. Now being scared on stage, that’s something I know a thing or two about. I once worked as a dancer at an exotic club that featured out-of-shape men dressed in sexy pheasant costumes and dancing for people dressed as Victorian English hunters, who would “tip” the dancers by shooting airsoft rifles at us. And that place was only half as horrifying and full of surprises as this play, which deals with zombies and horror film tropes, promises to be. With an endorsement like that how could you possibly not go? I mean to the play, not Prince George’s Sexy Shooting Gallery… or, I don’t know, screw it. I meant both.

Saturday, 31

That Coyote’s Temple of Horror (with The Shy Seasons), Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free

What could notoriously not-scary guys That Coyote have up their sleeves? What is going to make this particular synagogue so horrifying? I mean, the temple I was Bar Mitzvah’d in was pretty terrifying, but that had mostly to do with the 137-year-old rabbi who kept looking at me disapprovingly. I guess he’d never seen someone replace their haftarah portion with the lyrics from Cherry Pie by Warrant. So again I ask, what is going to make this temple so scary? I have no idea. But That Coyote is fantastic and the Shy Seasons are nothing to sneeze at either. Free Halloween music babies. This is all treat and no trick.



Fall Drag Show 2015, La Sells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 7 p.m. $5 (free with OSU ID)

Speaking of trick-free treats, it’s the OSU Fall Drag Show, basically the best thing you can possibly do on Halloween. Besides raising a demonic spirit in the woods that destroys your tiny mountain town, of course. This show promises an all-star lineup of Benton County’s best drag queens, and a rowdy audience full of fun-loving beavers. At $5, this is easily going to be the hottest time, on a dollar-for-dollar basis, that can be had in Corvallis.

Sunday, 1

Blues Jam!, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free

A blues jam is street slang for when a person propositions an undercover cop thinking they’re a hooker. But then before the cop can arrest them, the prospective john offers so much money the cop decides doing the deed is a better deal and takes the money. I’m not saying this has anything to do with the free music that will be available at the Pooia on Sunday. I’m just telling you something I know from experience—er, I mean, from a book I read. Not from experience. Unless you call reading a book an experience, which readers of my entertainment column are aware, I don’t.

Hoolyeh International Folk Dancing, First Congregational United Church, 4515 SW West Hills Rd. 7 p.m. $3 ($2 for CFS members)
This kick*ss twice monthly folk dancing jam offered for free by the Corvallis Folk Society comes in two flavors: Israeli and Balkan. This is the Balkan version of the dance gathering which means there will be significantly fewer of my Israeli relatives in attendance, and probably a slightly higher chance of an appearance by my Romanian relatives. Fortunately for everyone involved they won’t both be there, because they hate each other, and we’re all loud obnoxious brutes unafraid to make a public spectacle. So I guess what I’m saying is enjoy this awesome folk-dancing event, and please RSVP for my family reunion ASAP as tickets are going fast…

Monday, 2

Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free

Bryson Skaar is a trooper. Not in the “starship” variety that blows up giant mutant insectoid aliens, but more in the sense that he comes out every Monday and puts in work to keep Corvallis happy. In that sense he’s not unlike the sanitation workers, fire department, or our robust drug dealer community; this town would probably dry up and blow away without him. Bryson Skaar, ladies and gentleman; he’s the meth cook/firefighter/garbage man of free jazz. Stop looking at your friend in disbelief, you know exactly what I meant by that.

Traditional West African Dance Classes, Oddfellows Hall, 223 SW 2nd St. 7:15 p.m. $10 to $12

Traditional West African dance > literally anything else you have planned for a Monday night. I don’t know you personally or anything, so I guess it’s possible you have some mind-blowing kale salad that you’re working on that you’re going to post pictures of on Facebook so everyone thinks that’s what you normally eat for dinner instead of Doritos with Easy Cheese. And granted, that’s clearly a much better thing to do (on any given night) than anything else. But seriously, stop embarrassing me. It’s West African dancing and they’re going to teach you how to do it. Now stop being a rube… and pass the Doritos.

Tuesday, 3

Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free

It’s been a minute since we’ve gone this far back, but the time just felt right. This week at CMNYK we’ve got Leslie Howard, Merle Oberon, and Raymond Massey in the timeless classic The Scarlet Pimpernel (1934). You may not have seen this majestic early version of the well-known tale, but surely you’ve seen one of the many cartoon adaptations of it, notably The Scarlet Pumpernickel with Daffy Duck. Come get a taste of adventure, romance, and popcorn with me and the rest of the CMNYK regulars, who are awesome and superior to all regulars of all other events and establishments in town.



Celtic Jam, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free

In every Irish movie I’ve ever seen, the jams were significantly less impressive than what you hear on even a humdrum installment of Celtic Jam at the ‘Gine. Now I know what you’re thinking, “So?” In fairness, how many Irish movies do you think I’ve even seen? And how fairly could I compare the Celtic jamming in those films to this live Corvallis version? Those questions are better left to the PhDs in the think tanks, okay? I’m just here to push free Celtic music on you. If you were looking for a whole documentary on music appreciation, better get Netflix. Or have lunch with my 17-year-old nephew, Gary. You get a kid one Zeppelin CD for Rosh Hashana, next thing you know he’s Kurt Loder, am I right?

Wednesday, 4

David Whitaker, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free

David Whitaker’s got an acoustic guitar, and he thinks you should hear the noises it makes. Do I have that right, Mr. Whitaker? I think I do, but then again, I have a high opinion of myself. Mr. W. is a guitar virtuoso, or I don’t know—what’s the soft acoustic rock version of a virtuoso? This guys is one of those. He’s like a James Taylor we get all to ourselves, right here in the Valley. We don’t have to share him with Carly Simon (which if you think about it is a great metaphor for Albany—they’re so vain…) or anything. Also you can see him for free at Bombs, which you definitely can’t do with James Taylor. Shoot, you can’t even shake hands with his younger son’s manager at Panera for free these days.


International Games Day, Corvallis-Benton County Public Library, 645 NW Monroe Ave. 6 p.m. Free

Are we naming things “international” without checking with other countries first? I got on the phone with my distant cousins from Finland, and I was all, “International Games Day, b*tches! Let’s do this!” All I heard on the other end was a bunch of hysterical gibberish in a language that sounded like Russian, Swedish, and Japanese thrown into a blender. But it turns out they were just messing with me and speaking in gibberish. See you just went and assumed I was making an insensitive joke at the expense of the Fins. I guess you’re the real racist here, huh? Anyway, once we got past all that nonsense, they had no idea what I was talking about with International Games Day, so maybe Regional Games Day would be more appropriate?

Thursday, 5

Free Range Open Mic Night, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free
Open mic nights are just my favorite thing ever, and that list of things open mics top includes your mom’s tuna casserole. So don’t even ask. Just show up. For free. And bring rotten cabbage, because I can tell you from firsthand experience they don’t hand it out at the door. They weirdly expect you to be respectful and not throw things at this open mic. Laaaaaaame…

Infinite Improv, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 9 p.m. Free

Local improv is way better than televised improv. I don’t know why, but I just don’t get into that Whose Line Is It, Anyway? stuff. I like my improv raw and local, like I like my sugar cane and my stray cats. One thing I think they don’t do enough of at this particular event is that, “Somebody name an adjective and a noun…” prompting stuff that’s so popular in middle school drama classes. Call me a fool for the classics, but I just like it when I shout out “feckless,” I need to hear someone else in the room shout “penis,” so we can then watch the performers pause and look at each other panicked while they attempt to characterize a feckless penis.