Clarice Motett and Annie Fipher, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free
Singer-songwriter, singer-songwriter, la la la, la la la. That’s the first verse of this song I’m writing, that I plan to sing, about other singer-songwriter acts. Like this one. Clarice and Annie play music and they do it live and it’s going to happen at Bombs on Thursday. Other than that I can’t pretend to know anything about this show. But self-promotion is a lost art, and it’s no picnic, so I can’t blame anyone here.
Michelle Hazelton, Peacock Bar & Grille, 125 SW 2nd St. 7 p.m. Free
Speaking of singers who song write, Michelle Hazelton will tear into her weekly gig at the Peak, or should I abbreviate it to the Co—you know what? We’ll go with Peak. Also, to be clear, I meant tear like “to tear a piece of paper,” not tear like “a tear welled up in his eye as he watched his father run.” I’m sure you realized that, but I didn’t want it to seem like I was suggesting Michelle starts her gig off by crying or something. I mean, I don’t know for sure that she doesn’t. I’m just saying, that’s not what I was implying. Jeez, writing can be funny sometimes.
Linden Wood and Jobe Woosley, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $5
Linden Wood is the Rob Halford of Corvallis. Or the Lemmy. I’m not sure which, but he looks like Dimebag Darrell doing cosplay as Steve Vai. With a description like that is there any way you’re not going to this show? Oh, there is still? Crap. I had not foreseen this possible outcome, and so I have not planned alternate entertainment options for you. I sure hope someone is playing at Imagine or something…
Dan Ryker, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7:30 p.m. Free
Dan Ryker brings his soft strumming and medium decibel singing to the ‘Gine, and I’ll be honest here: I don’t think I’ve ever been to the ‘Gine on a Friday night. In any sense of that phrase. I’m “shomer shabbos,” as they say, so usually I spend Friday night reading scripture and giving thanks. But if I were to venture out of the house, you can bet I’d consider this show as one of my top five or six entertainment options. Did I mention Linden Wood rocks hard and has hair like a glam-panther? Because this show is likely to be very different from that show, so know your market before you jump in with both feet.
Majestic Madness, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. $5
“Will you join in our crusade?” That’s the question The Majestic is asking you to answer this Saturday. Will you answer the call? I suppose in my case that all depends on what the crusade in question is. If it’s Indiana Jones and the Last, then I’m in, 10 times out of 10. But I’m hearing this event will be at least 75% as action-packed and probably 200% funnier. It’s basically a free-for-all where you can volunteer to take a part and get in the action on stage, which is also how I like to introduce orgies. This will basically be an orgy of local creativity on stage. Bring an umbrella…
McDougall and Breaker One Nine, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $5
McDougall is a one-man band of my favorite genre of music, a genre that we don’t get nearly enough of in Corvallis. I’m of course talking about hard core rap. McDougall sits behind a drum with a banjo or steel string guitar and then… stories of being raised on the streets pour out with enthusiasm, raw truth, and violent imagery of making ends meet in the ghetto. Except instead of any of that, he plays bluegrass and Americana-y folk. So if you’re still down for that after I got your hopes up and soaked them, by all means. This show is happening.
Majestic Reader’s Theatre Closer, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. $20
If Saturday night is the night for fighting, you can be forgiven for skipping Majestic Madness to go to your fight club. But we all known the first rule of fight club, right? “Go to the Majestic the next night if you miss a good show for a scrap.” I haven’t seen the movie in a while, but I’m pretty sure that’s it. Reader’s Theatre is by far the best way to spend a Sunday. Not counting talking to Jesus and/or watching Ray Donovan on Showtime, of course. I saw the movie version of this play with Clive Owen and Julia Roberts. I bet our locals will do it better. But I also bet on the Broncos to beat the Seahawks in the Super Bowl…
Blues Jam!, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free
Blues Jam is excellent, but if you really want to make it perfect, I have this recipe for a rum-soaked mutton dish that goes great with these baby boomers busting out the sad music. See what I did there? Blues Jam goes great with booze lamb. Look, I didn’t tell you to keep reading after the first sentence, you did that on your own. You have nobody to blame for that horrible joke but yourself.
Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free
Bryson Skaar is still blowing the doors off the ‘Gine on a weekly basis. They gonna need a rejuvenation construction project to return things to working order. Bryson’s hot jazz licks and cool demeanor make the noises coming out of the ‘Gine on Monday nights sound downright erotic. Now if your grandmother is one of the roughly 50-somethings who do a two-hour swoon over their decaf coffee every Monday night, you may not like the suggestion that things get pretty sexy in there. But what can I tell you, life don’t end when you go on statins.
Dicemasters. Matt’s Cavalcade of Comics, NW Buchanan Ave. 7:30 – 9:30 p.m. Free
I won’t lie; I did once show up to this bumping weekly event with a bunch of different stir fry dishes. I was all, “Wait, am I in the wrong place? I thought this was Ricemasters! Why are you all dressed as wizards?” Fast forward to a year later and I’m a pretty well respected mage in like three different games. Did I mention these Monday night role playing games are basically just giant f*ckfests? I should have saved my orgy joke… But seriously. Dicemasters: Your weekly opportunity to get some, in more ways than one.
Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free
I know some of you were less than excited about the vulgar and trippy A Boy and His Dog that a certain large-schnozzed cinephile know-it-all chose for the feature-of-the-week a few weeks back. Hopefully CMNYK regained your trust with the last couple screenings of more standard classic fare. Well now here’s a chance for all the anti-social miscreants who laughed and cheered at Boy to get their week of disappointment. Because CMNYK is finally unleashing Shirley Temple on the big screen in a classic heartwarming tale of love between a girl and her dad. It’s The Little Princess (1939) with all the newsreels, popcorn, and curly-haired, heart-melting cuteness that you can handle. The last five CMNYK screenings have been standing room only, and Miss Temple is what you might call “a draw,” so I’d go ahead and show up early if you want to be sure to get seats for this one.
Mango Django, Old World Deli, 341 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. Free
Oh Mango Django, you’re the hardest working jazz band in the Heart of the Valley. After a summer full of busting out their hot licks for free, they change gears with this Old World Deli show and deliver hot licks… for free. If you don’t enjoy this show with a hot pastrami on rye, you better be at Movie Night. Other excuses will not be accepted and we may have resort to fisticuffs. Support your Corvallis Tuesday night entertainment, people…
Matt Neely Jazz Showcase, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free
Who is Matt Neely? Couldn’t tell you. What’s a jazz showcase entail? Not really sure. Is the person pictured here even the Matt Neely in question? I have no idea. Am I going to this event anyway? Of-f*cking-course I am. The ‘Gine has a sterling reputation for putting on awesome free jazz shows that I enjoy with a decaf latte and a suspension of my normal cynicism. That I’ve never experienced this particular event means nothing. I have the utmost confidence in Mr. Neely and his jazzy offerings.
Wednesday Acoustic Live, Les Caves, 308 SW 3rd St. 8 p.m. Free
Garreth Jenkins will be strumming and singing at this next installment of live music at one of Corvallis’ best restaurants. I’ll of course be there because I try to make sweet, sweet love to Caves’ lamb belly bacon sandwich once or twice a week. But also because I like free live music. Now there is one hitch to all of this: there is no Garreth Jenkins. I totally made that person up because I have no idea who will actually be playing this show or if it’s really going to happen at all. But this will be a valuable experiment in both reader comprehension and local entertainment marketing. Will Advocate fans read far enough in the paragraph to discover there’s no Mr. Jenkins? Will Caves’ management read enough to add the live show to their website? Tune in next week…
Infinite Improv, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 9 p.m. Free
This show promises to be much better than the self-help seminar I went to called “Infinite Improve.” Well, maybe not better, but certainly more entertaining. I can’t pretend that seminar didn’t make me into the multitasking dynamo with a great haircut that I am today. Nor can I pretend it wasn’t worth the three easy payments of $69.95 that it cost to register. What I can tell you is that I totally improvised that entire joke and that’s just the kind of lazy humor you won’t find at this live show. Infinite Improv: don’t worry, I don’t perform with them, so this stands a pretty good chance of being funny.
Rusty Hinges Band, Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 7:30 p.m. Free
Rusty Hinges return to their favorite stage, rocking at the ‘Pooia. Okay, in fairness I haven’t asked them what their favorite stage is, and for all I know it’s actually Wembley… Sorry, the Wembley YMCA in Wembley, Idaho. Sorry, I should have finished that sentence right away. But seriously, these guys are excellent. And they play at the ‘Pooia a lot, and for free, and for that, if nothing else, we owe them our thanks. Thank them by showing up to the show and buying booze.