All in the Timing, Russell Tripp Performance Center, 6500 Pacific Blvd. SW, Albany. 7:30 p.m. $10 ($7 for seniors and students, $5 for LBCC students)
A series of one-act plays directed and performed by LBCC theater students is actually the best thing happening in town all week. All due respect to the bike repair workshop, but these kids know how to put on a show, and I, for once, have nothing sarcastic or snotty to add to that. I’ve been working with my therapist a lot on my feelings of aggression toward my parents, and my lack of attention span and how that is translated into my column. Anyway, this open mic night will be great. What? Who the hell are the LBCC theater kids? Screw you! You’re not my dad!
Wild Hog in the Woods, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 7:30 p.m. Free
Get your beard on with the most authentic purveyors of songs “totapatoeto” in the Pacific Northwest. The only way to get more Americana than these guys would be to put the Duck Dynasty family in the transmogrifying machine from The Fly and end up with a fly that can play the banjo. If you don’t want to see that, for free no less, you probably shouldn’t be taking advice on entertainment from me. Because that’s all I want to see. Ever.
Mcdougall & Thunder Anne, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $5
Mcdougall is an enigma (for me); he’s a one-man band, he plays Americana and funk… normally I would hate this. But he’s got a super unpretentious delivery which comes off sounding like Mountain Goats playing in the subway. He’s like a John Darnielle who gets laid even less, if such a thing is possible. I’d go to this show, even though Thunder Anne has no web presence. It’s called Bandcamp, ladies. This band of multi-instrumentalists is as anonymous on the Internet as my stalker. You know who you are… even if I don’t.
Lowdown, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 10 p.m. Free
Billed as a festive dance party that showcases local DJs, this is an event I would definitely go to… if I was a completely different person. You may be that person, so put on your dancing shoes and prepare for—I wanna say—a lot of dubstep? I don’t know, maybe not. But I don’t anticipate much jazz or polka, the only music forms I dance to. I do this insanely acrobatic routine to Lawrence Welk that will make you lose bowel control, obviously you are healthier than me, so you’ll like this.
Eleven Eyes, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 10 p.m. $5
Alright, Eleven Eyes, go on with your, in parlance, “bad selves.”This sextet brings the sex jet to town from Eugene, where they throw down their jazzy, funky, hip-hop infused sound to the masses. This is a first-rate band that I imagine Sting would like a lot. There’s no way he wouldn’t, given the chance, be shaba-dooing and squeeble-deeing with this band, contorting his face and body as he commits unlistenable adult contemporary mind-crimes. Fortunately, as far as I know Eleven Eyes will be coming to the valley without Sting. Talk about “fields of gold…”
Ship of Fools, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 10 p.m. Free
I’m up for cover bands 100% of the time. There’s literally no cover band I won’t see. So Ship of Fools for free at Cloud’s is a damn steal. Cover bands encompass the true heart and soul of rock‘n’roll, and don’t get nearly the credit they’re due. It’s a shame this show is free, because they should be collecting some door charge loot. Three guesses what band these fools cover and the Un-Dead Head guesses don’t count.
Dolly West’s Kitchen, Withycombe Hall, 2921 SW Campus Way. 7:30 p.m. $12 ($10 for seniors, $8 for youth and students, $5 for OSU students)
Why do I get the feeling this play is going to be bummer? Oh wait, I know, because I have Google. This one’s a darkly dramatic Irish tale of a family in conflict during World War II. The OSU theater group is first-rate, so I anticipate this will be a heck of a show. I’m going to be there, and rest assured I’ll be heckling in a comically offensive Irish leprechaun voice. Think Lucky Charms with whiskey instead of milk. Can anyone give me a ride?
Blues Jam!, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free
Can someone go with me to this event and help cheer these guys up? Every week they’re up there playing and wailing about broken hearts and lost jobs and whiskey. It’s like an episode of Mad Men, only with none of the hygiene, fashion, or marketing sense. And much more regret-y. So like, Sad Men, I guess? Anyway, will you go with me? No? I guess I’ll be up there jammin’ with the fellas then. I got the rejected-by-strangers-reading-your-column blues.
Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7:30 p.m. Free
Bryson and his band of jazz-playing bon vivants are the swingingest cats in the valley, not counting me and my wife. Hint, hint. These dudes know how to bust out that traditional jazz that is sorely lacking in pretty much everyone’s lives. Bryson is like Oscar Peterson in Ben Folds’ body, and I’m not ashamed to admit that those are exactly the type of dudes my wife and I would love to swing with. Hint, hint again. Back to my main point: if there are any dead 89-year-old piano players or past-their-prime alt-pop stars out there looking to kick it, email my wife—er, what I meant to say was, Bryson live at the ‘Gine is a good bargain at any price.
Dead Author Reading, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 8 p.m. Free
This event is described as a “night of historic literature appreciation.” So I expect we’ll be hearing spirited readings of the Marquis De Sade, Shel Silverstein, and G.A. Henty by MFA candidates who can’t afford deodorant. Then again, I think everyone is like me, and thus can’t afford deodorant. This time they just also will be in grad school studying English as well.
Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free
Hitchcock returns to the Darkside for like the zillionth time. In this suspenseful episode of CMNYK it’s Murder! (1930), one of the earliest Hitchcock talkies to exhibit some of his later trademark directing style, screened in all its not-quite-remastered glory. With innovative direction and crisp cinematography, it’s another classic film on the big screen with deranged and often offensive pre-show newsreels and other oddities. Community Movie Night is more vital to this town than the fire department. There I said it. Wait, what? Oh, they put out fires, not start them? Interesting. OK, well maybe not as vital as the fire department, but pretty close…
Corvallis-OSU Symphony Orchestra: Music & Courage, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 7:30 p.m. $22 to $32
Beethoven, Copland, and Shostakovich are on the menu when this talented bunch take the stage for one of the best concerts of the year. This is definitely the show of the week, and another great event at LaSells which is quietly one of the best places in town to see a show. All things I would say if I was on the university payroll trying to get a kickback. I have no idea why I wrote that, because I’m obviously not. Am I talking really fast? Is it hot in here? COSU Symphony: great no matter how mysteriously nervous I may seem.
Les Miserables, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. $25($20 for students, seniors, members)
Some people have criticized my harsh take on Les Mis as a musical in this section last week. Please let me be clear; I also hate The Sound of Music with the burning passion of a thousand dying stars, and yet I still enjoyed the hell out of it when the Majestic players put it on recently. So I strongly recommend you give this show a chance and you’ll probably love it. I have the utmost confidence in the Majestic troupe’s ability to pull this off and pull out all the stops. Check out page 6 for Nathan Hermanson’s full review of this play.
Campus Wild Celebration with Virginia Morell, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 7 p.m. Free
New York Times bestselling author Virginia Morell will lead us in appreciating nature, if I understand this event correctly, and I’m pretty sure I don’t. But the incredibly brief information available about this event suggests it is to foster an appreciation of the nature all around us. Like human nature, for instance. Like the deep burning pit of desire and jealousy that burns in us all, festering, waiting to infect those we love with a darkness. A darkness so profound—no, wait, sorry I didn’t read closely enough. They just mean nature in the outdoors sense. No profound darkness here. Sorry, move along.
Curtis Monette, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free
Can you believe Corvallis’ own multi-talented axe-master has been melting faces with his looping peddle for over 10 years now? You can, huh? Way to not play along, Corvallis. You can be a real d*ck that way sometimes… Anyway, Curtis Monette is a beast on the stage, and a gentleman in the swimming pool. And he plays for free. Which makes him way more of a bargain than any of the other fabulous deals on local music I’ve listed here. Be there, or be square valley residents.
Free Range Open Mic Night,Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 8 p.m. Free
Do you love my prickly brand of snarky dismissivism? Are you just sort of itching for more of me yawning and cracking wise about local music and art? You’re in luck, because open mics are basically 8 Days Live, wherein I sit at a table, get wildly inebriated, and start speaking truth to a bunch of amateurs flexing nuts onstage. If you’re one of the amateurs who plans to play this event, don’t worry, you are on your way to becoming a star, and please ignore the rude drunkard at Table 3. No matter how handsome he is, he doesn’t know anything about music. You go with your singer-songwriter moroseness.