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DollyWest_Thursday7Thursday, 7

Dolly West’s Kitchen, Withycombe Hall, 2921 SW Campus Way. 7:30 p.m. $12 ($10 for seniors, $8 for youth/students, $5 for OSU students)

Frank McGuinness’ World War II era play about hard living in Ireland is sure to be another tightly produced OSU Theatre joint. I’ve seen several plays by this group on the Withycombe stage, and I have almost nothing sarcastic or mean-spirited to say about them. They’re frickin’ good and they put out challenging material. There’s almost no reason to miss this. I’m still going to show up and holler things, but that’s because the heckler’s code is more important than local theater.


Rusty Hinges, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 Hill St. NE, Albany. 7:30 p.m. Free

Rusty Hinges will show up at your house and play this obnoxious creaking sound every time your door opens and closes. It’s super annoying, and they’ve been playing a live engagement at my house for two years now. Oh wait, nevermind, these guys play roots music. Otherwise known as… Americana. These are not the same guys who have been playing my door. They both play for free, but I think I prefer my guys…


Friday, 8

OSU Wind Symphony and Wind Ensemble Spring Concert, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 7:30 p.m. $8 in advance, $10 at the door

Meditation at Lagunitas” by Paul Dooley is on the playlist from this talented group of horn blowers. This show is featuring primarily modern works, including the young Dooley, who composed “Meditation” for the American Bandmasters Association. This came as a disappointment to me; when I bought my tickets, I thought this was the 87-year-old comedy legend Paul Dooley. I was going to show up and shout out lines from Strange Brew, but that would likely be lost on this audience. So instead I’ll just have to play it cool… and shout lines from Repo Man.


Space Neighbors, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $5

Funk music is like a neighbor who shows up at inopportune times and is funny and interesting. You’re like, “Yes, yes. Very witty, good observation. What is the deal with Siri’s voice? But would you mind coming back later? My wife just disclosed her infidelity…” By which I mean, I don’t hate local funk bands, and given a moment to relax and not think too deeply about it, I might even like it. But seriously, my wife is having an affair. I’m not gonna make it to this one…


OutLetZ_Saturday9Saturday, 9

The OutLetZ, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 10 p.m. $1 to $5

R&B babies; this is the real rhythm and blues as practiced by guys who were actually alive to hear it done right. These guys are super unpretentious and sort of a lot of fun. Imagine a Blues Brothers show with way less Belushi, which I think we can all agree is sort of a blessing in disguise. I also like the fact that there’s like seven dudes in this band. These days a lot of musicians forget you can make the band sound a lot bigger by just having two people playing each instrument. My quartet of two xylophones and two accordions is going to take the world by storm.


Goldfoot, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 10 p.m. Bring money

Funk music has blown into town and displaced a bunch of Americana. I am happy about this…? Goldfoot bills themselves as “Portland’s ultimate live dance party.” No offense to these probably well-intentioned hipsters who recently discovered Parliament, but I think the lovely ladies of the Black Cauldron bar have that title pretty locked down at this point. Still where else are you going to go for some funk music played by people who will never be famous? Other than Space Neighbors, of course.


Sunday, 10

Les Miserables, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 2:30 p.m. $30 for adults, $25 for students, seniors, members (includes complimentary dessert and drinks)

Ugh. They should hire a better writer than me to put into adequate words how much I hate this musical, and how much the great folks at Majestic putting it on doesn’t make me want to see it any more. For those who haven’t seen Les Mis, let me sum it up for you with the immortal words of Mark McKinney: “Life is short, life is sh*t, and soon it will be over.” I hate this musical so much, it might as well be a marathon of Adam Sandler movies being introduced by Jay Leno with intermission musical numbers from the Hitler Dancers. But all seriousness aside, the Majestic is back! I just wish they had picked a less horrible production to put on, like a Yugo assembly line or a staged reading of Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.


Blues Jam!, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free

For Mother’s Day this year, I figured I’d introduce her to some nice and eligible bachelors in her age range. Enter Blues Jam, stage right romance. If you can’t find your middle-aged mother a match in this bearded and ponytailed bunch of dudes who remember watching Welcome Back Kotter as adults, then you’re not doing it right. Blues Jam is like Tinder for baby boomers. Sorry, Dad, but you better make other plans for dinner. Mom just met someone new, and he plays guitar…


Monday, 11

Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7:30 p.m. Free

Jazz piano is the song of fertility being harmonized on by the voices of virility. In other words, Bryson Skaar be playing bangin’ music. My cousin conceived both of his kids in the bathroom of Imagine Coffee while Bryson was stroking the keys, which is why one is named Men’s Room and the other is named Please Wash Hands Before Returning to Work. You would have thought he’d name one of them after Bryson Skaar, but he opted for something a little more exotic sounding. At any rate, I’ll be hanging out in the bathroom of the ‘Gine this Monday night if any single ladies or gentlemen are interested.


No-Drama Discipline with Dr. Tina Bryson, Corvallis High School Theater, 1400 NW Buchanan Ave. 6:30 p.m.

Speaking of Brysons and baby-making, this Dr. Bryson will be teaching you how to manage your kid’s outbursts without resorting to the Adrian Peterson school of parenting. Or actually maybe not, I’m just assuming she’s not advocating a strict regimen of paddling, but you’ll really have to check it out for yourself to be sure. I won’t be there myself of course, because not only am I not allowed anywhere near the high school, and not only do I not have any kids, but what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Adrian Peterson… I wonder if he’ll end up with the Cowboys…

Tuesday, 12

Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free

It’s been nigh on a month since the last zany and classic comedy at CMNYK. As usual, it’s almost like curator Ygal Kaufman has a direct line to my thoughts, because he’s breaking out one of the zaniest comedies of them all, At War with the Army (1950). Starring the legendary comedy team of croon-master Dean Martin and hero-to-the-French Jerry Lewis, this comedy takes aim at military service, and how much none of us want to do it. Better get there early, because rumor is they just hand out $100 bills to random people before the show starts. True story!



DIY Bike Repair & Maintenance Workshop, Corvallis-Benton County Public Library, 645 NW Monroe Ave. 7 p.m. Free

The Corvallis Bike Collective is putting on this free workshop to teach you how to take care of your wheels. I imagine they said to themselves, “What if we taught these people how to fix their bikes, but like, really poorly? We’ll just skip over all the key details and train them to put their bikes together like complete noobs.” Their business would be booming from all the injured people bringing in their broken bikes for a proper repair. It’s a can’t-fail business plan. What’s that? A non-profit? OK, well maybe they’re just jerks who want to see your bike break. Or I don’t know, maybe this thing is legit; look, I can’t make every decision for you, I can only point you in the right direction. Like towards Community Movie Night…


Rowles_Wednesday13Wednesday, 13

Chuck Holst and Gary Rowles, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 7:30 p.m. Free

Look, I’ll be honest—I have recommended these guys a million times based solely on Gary Rowles’ previous experience playing lead guitar with the brilliant classic rock band Love. In reality, these guys are no Love. They’re more like Hall & Oates, if Hall was a giant emotional windbag and Oates had better facial hair. But they are pretty much the most accomplished acoustic-electric guitar duo in the tri-county area, and they play for free. Gary Rowles’ past lives as a guitar god should be experienced with a good beer and reasonably priced order of nachos, so Bombs is pretty much a perfect venue for them.

Lose 3,000 Pounds in a Day, Corvallis-Benton County Public Library, 645 NW Monroe Ave. 6:30 p.m. Free

The Corvallis Sustainability Coalition is behind this pro-bike event that is geared primarily toward rich Britons or the enormously, almost science fiction-y, obese. I imagine this event will feature tons of admonitions that you leave your car at home and bike to your next appointment by people who apparently don’t realize how out of shape I am. Or is that their whole point? I have no idea, but I’ll be over at the nearest Hometown Buffet (it’s in Salem) during this event just running train on some ham and ambrosia salad.

Thursday, 14

All in the Timing, Russell Tripp Performance Center, 6500 Pacific Blvd. SW, Albany. 7:30 p.m. $10 ($7 for seniors/students, $5 for LBCC students)

A series of one-act plays directed and performed by the LBCC theater students is actually the best thing happening in town all week. All due respect to the bike repair workshop, but these kids know how to put on a show, and I, for once, have nothing sarcastic or snotty to add to that. I’ve been working with my therapist a lot on my feelings of aggression toward my parents, and my lack of attention span and how that is translated into my column. Anyway, this open mic night will be great. What? Who the hell are the LBCC theater kids? Screw you! You’re not my dad!


Wild Hog in the Woods, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 7:30 p.m. Free

Get your beard on with the most authentic purveyors of songs “totapatoeto” in the Pacific Northwest. The only way to get more Americana than these guys would be to put the Duck Dynasty family in the transmogrifying machine from The Fly and with a fly that can play the banjo. If you don’t want to see that, for free no less, you probably shouldn’t be taking advice on entertainment from me. Because that’s all I want to see. Ever.


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