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Sage_Thursday20Thursday, 20
The Rounders, Bury the Moon, and All the Apparatus, Starker Arts Park, 4485 SW Country Club Dr. 6 p.m. Free
Sage got you covered for free music on Thursday this week, rounding out the trifecta of free music in beautiful parks on Tues-Wed-Thurs. And this one is actually an indie rock affair, so prepare for a drum set and some distortion at an outdoor concert in Corvallis. This does not compute. This does not compute. (I’m doing a robot voice, work with me.) Danger Will- ah, I don’t have the energy. Just go to this one, or you’ll never get outdoor indie rock ever again.

Curtis Monette, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free
Curtis Monette is back for his monthly gig at Bombs. If you like loops, and guitars and melted faces on the floor and improvisation and other things like that, then this show should tickle you right in the gootch. Monette is a Corvallis establishment, like the Majestic, or the Graand Kinetic Challenge, or bitching about property taxes. He will always be with us, so show your appreciation.
Friday, 21
Rain Light Fade, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free
Buckle up for some Depeche Modian mope rock from some dudes with facial hair that just won’t quit. If I could grow a face maze like these morose bros, I wouldn’t be in the freelance writing game. I’d just be kicking back in my mustache mansion collecting royalty checks. Come get heavy with Rain Light Fade and possibly get a mustache ride or beard buffet (you’ll have to just ask the band what that is). Gross. I mean, erotic. Yeah. Let’s do this.


Friday Night Music, Emerson Vineyard, 11665 Airlie Rd., Monmouth 6 p.m. $7.50 plus a can of food
Emerson Vin. Mixing wine and music since 1997. Okay, I have no idea how long they’ve been doing it, but I have a minor in lazy marketing from Allegheny Community Yeshiva. Fermented wines will intertwine with augmented whines as the muzak flows like a pinot noir around my great uncle Sal’s Adam’s apple as he guzzles straight from the bottle, spilling it everywhere. I really know how to conjure an image, right?

Saturday, 22
Wups and Human Ottoman, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9:30 p.m. $3
Show of the week. Show of the month as far as I’m concerned. Don’t miss this one. Wups is one of Corvallis’ best and most dedicated local acts, and Human Ottoman is just bizarre and excellent. They make a combustible pair, and on a personal note, they’re all just swell people that I’d be proud to pay to watch my cats for a weekend. So go check them out for the bargain basement price of only $3. Also, can anyone watch my cats the weekend of Halloween? I’ll be in town, it’s just that they’re intolerable sh*ts when the kids come knocking for candy, and I’d love to drop them off somewhere else.


Jesse Garrett Johnson and the Liars, Sky High Brewing, 160 NW Jackson Ave. 8 p.m. Free
When a dude bills himself with three names it can only mean one or possibly both of the following two things: he’s a serial killer and/or a singer/songwriter. I’m honestly not sure what the intersection of that particular Venn diagram is for Johnson, but clearly he’s at least the latter of those two things. If you don’t hear from me after about 10 p.m. on Saturday night, it could mean he’s also the former… It could also mean that I just don’t know you and you never hear from me. But just to be safe, call the cops on this guy.

Sunday, 23
Peter Pan, Albany Civic Theatre, 111 1st Ave. SW
, Albany. 2:30 p.m. $14 ($11 for seniors, juniors)
Have you heard of this one? It was new to me. Apparently this androgynous teen fights a pirate while singing and dancing and wearing garish costumes. I’m like, “They’re doing Hedwig and the Angry Inch?” Apparently this one predates that one. And also this play is where Robin Hood and Mad Max got their costume design ideas. Will you be there to experience the madness? Only you know for sure.


Blues Jam!, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free
Blues Jam is “totes terrif,” to quote a diminutive high schooler who spoke faster than the Micro Machines guy that I talked to at the bus stop the other day. But if I’m honest, it’s hard to pick this jam sesh over the one I host in my garage. It’s called Jews Blam, and it features me, my uncle Merv, and a Swedish rabbi named Borgbaum playing black metal klezmer. So, gauntlet thrown, I guess. But seriously, since you’re not invited to Jews Blam, you might as well go to Blues Jam, because, like I said, “totes terrif.”

Monday, 24
Traditional West African Dance Classes, Oddfellows Hall, 223 SW 2nd St. 7:15 p.m. Free
Join Guinean dance maestro Maria Soumah for this class open to dancers of all levels. Fefafe provides the beats, and you’re going to have to provide the dance moves. Don’t be embarrassed if you can’t get it right the first time. And definitely don’t be embarrassed when I post the hidden camera videos I take from this class on YouTube. Er, I mean, ignore what I just said. Have fun, and feel free to cut loose… (cue creepy music)

Dicemasters. Matt’s Cavalcade of Comics, NW Buchanan Ave. 7:30 – 9:30 p.m. Free
There’s a weird and unsubstantiated rumor going around that fans of role playing games tend to be slower off the block in terms of losing their V-card. I can assure you that’s a load of hogwash, and nerds be bangin’. I personally have been a fan of the dark arts since eighth grade, and I can tell you I lost my virginity promptly before my 25th birthday. What’s that? That’s not really early? High school, you say? Jeez, what is this, 90210? I didn’t even see my first nipple not attached to my own body until college. You know what? I bet the other people here are totes lotharios. Role playing people, it’s not just for hideous mutants anymore.

Tuesday, 25
Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free
Alec Guinness and Peter Finch make their first appearances at CMNYK in this priceless murder mystery with a comic twist, based on G.K. Chesterton’s classic series. As usual, this is a free movie in an air conditioned theater on a day when it will likely be 237 degrees or something preposterous like that. Then when you add in the pre-show newsreels and cartoons which are bananas and the introduction from Corvallis’ most experienced tuna fish sandwich eater and part-time movie buff, it’s like this night plans itself. Don’t be the only person in your knitting league or thumb wrestling gang or tontine to not have checked out a CMNYK screening.

Concert in the Park, Central Park, 650 NW Monroe Ave. 8 p.m. Free
Corvallis really turns out and supports the free music in the park scene that is exploding here right now. I love that. If you’ve been putting off going to this live show, stop being so patient with your leisure time. This is the last show of the summer, and even if it weren’t, for all you know Martians could invade or accidental nuclear apocalypse could be unfurled at any given moment. So… take the time to enjoy the little things. And then when you’re done with the little things, go to a big thing like Corvallis Community Band in the park, for free.

Wednesday, 26
Summer Tasting Series, Les Caves, 308 SW 3rd St. 4:30 p.m. Cost: Depends how much you drink
Portland’s Ecliptic Brewing will be the taste du jour at this just-before-work-lets-out booze revue. Will Ecliptic be bringing their Capella Porter? Their Phobos Single Hop Red? The Orbiter IPA? I don’t know, what do I look like, a soothsayer? What I do know is that I’ve never been to a beer tasting, and I don’t know if I’m going to start now, but if this your steez, it’s essentially the only thing to do on Wednesday afternoon and you can hit it up right before you go to the only other good thing to do this Wednesday night…

Hilltop Big Band, Central Park, 650 NW Monroe Ave. 7:30 p.m. Free
The last free Wednesday concert of the summer at Central Park, and it’s my beloved Hilltop Big Band. I would see this band play in a Saw-like mansion of murderous booby traps if it was free. I’d watch this band play for free if I had to jump across an active alligator pit to get to the show. So you can only imagine how jazzed I am to see it without having to put up with any of that other nonsense. Did I mention I’m really into Hilltop Big Band?

Thursday, 27
Clarice Motett and Annie Fipher, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free
Singer-songwriter, singer-songwriter, la la la, la la la. That’s the first verse of this song I’m writing, that I plan to sing, about other singer-songwriter acts. Like this one. Clarice and Annie play music and they do it live and it’s going to happen at Bombs on Thursday. Other than that I can’t pretend to know anything about this show. But self promotion is a lost art, and it’s no picnic, so I can’t blame anyone here.

Michelle Hazelton, Peacock Bar & Grille, 125 SW 2nd St. 7 p.m. Free
Speaking of singers who song write, Michelle Hazelton will tear into her weekly gig at the Peak, or should I abbreviate it to the Co- you know what? We’ll go with Peak. Also, to be clear, I meant tear like “to tear a piece of paper,” not tear like “a tear welled up in his eye as he watched his father run.” I’m sure you realized that, but I didn’t want it to seem like I was suggesting Michelle starts her gig off by crying or something. I mean, I don’t know for sure that she doesn’t. I’m just saying, that’s not what I was implying. Jeez, writing can be funny sometimes.

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