We get it, you’re a father and your outlaw daughter is suffering from a serious case of look-at-my-boobs-and-tongue-itis (don’t worry, it’s covered, it’s not a pre-existing condition), but is reworking your “hit” Achy Breaky Heart as a strange story about fishing in the middle of the night with little kids and being abducted by twerking, pot smoking aliens really the answer? Good grief man. No. No, no, no… What you’ve done here is tantamount to being the first real crime against humanity that hasn’t involved torture, slavery, mass murder or soccer hooligans. We can only hope this will also end your career, as one can only take so many goofy looking spray-tanned has-beens dancing around on spaceships, trying to ride on their bizarre, Cabbage-Patch-Kid looking offspring’s coattails. And Kate Gosselin really has it pretty much locked up.
Let’s Get Conservative About Sex on TV
by Ygal Kaufman
I know, I almost can’t believe I wrote that myself, but it’s time for an intervention. It used to be that you’d have to break into a local station armed to the teeth with a stripper as a hostage to get an exposed female nipple on a TV screen. Those puritanical days are now thankfully far behind us. Ever since the cable channel FX completely destroyed what was left of boundaries with The Shield, every show has been racing to get racier on screen. This has led us to the current arms race (boobs race?) of shows like Game of Thrones and Black Sails, which are just softcore porn with the occasional dragon/pirate/lesbian. I like both of these shows. I like boobs. I’m not trying to rain on anyone’s parade, but I can’t be the only one who’s bored and unaroused by this, can I? There’s something distinctly unsexy and boring about TV sex. It might have to do with how fake it looks, it might have to do with how uncomfortable and unsexy it is. It might just be that I don’t love watching long drawn out sex scenes while I’m sitting on a couch with friends and family members.
I think we can all agree that some of these scenes can be shorter, right?
It’s also particularly annoying to me because I frequently catch up on TV shows by watching them on my iPhone while eating lunch. Ever have a priest pushing an invalid in a wheelchair stop behind you and cross his heart because he thinks you’re watching bona fide pornography in the middle of a Chipotle on a Tuesday aftermoon? No? Uhhhhh… me neither.
And For a Little Bit O’ Win
by Mandy Clark
Since our Dec. 26 Culture Fail on Jo-Ann’s Fabric there has been an outstanding change in customer service at the Corvallis location. Although the manager is unable to confirm there has been a policy change, there are Corvallis crafters (myself included) that have noticed a more natural approach to standing at the cutting counter among the yards of silk and corduroy. No longer similar to a DMV experience, when you pull a ticket they’re responding naturally to each individual-not simply following the rules once rigidly placed to call the number over the loudspeaker before acknowledging the customer. Bravo to the keen-eyed staff who helped implement this obvious shift in customer service. You all deserve a fat quarter standing ovation for your rapid alteration. That’s fabric talk for Great job. Keep it up.