Hard Truths

By Sidney Reilly

Hard TrthsYou Blew It!
Not enough of you went to see the wonderful Obvious Child at the Darkside and it had to go after one week. Not to get too snobby on the flicks, but maybe a few of you could have skipped seeing Transformers IV and gone to this actually challenging, funny, and delightfully executed little film. Jenny Slate cements her status as one of the funniest comedians around, and makes a compelling case for leading actor roles. Also, seriously, Transformers IV? To quote Jerry Seinfeld, “We’re trying to have a civilization here…”

Yikes, Looks Like Some Hard Truths Being Splashed Everywhere…
A University of Oregon public safety officer who was recently relieved of duty against his wishes lashed out against his former employer by releasing a list of names which he claims resided on the wall of the Public Safety Department at U of O. It was a list of people who they felt should “eat a bowl of d***s.”

No, not ducks.

Most of the list was just celebrities, and was mostly unsurprising. But there were a few entries that were worth comment, and obviously I’m going to comment on them:

Oregon Mental Health System (inter-state-department dog fight. Woof.)
Brian Vizzussi (former Lincoln Sherriff; lingering beef with the union?)
ORS 352.385 (You’ll have to look that one up, but it’s very interesting…)
EMU Designer (Seriously, though… whoever designed the emu did not know what a bird should look like…)
Portland City Council (I mean, I guess…)
Working UO Football Games (or working at all, am I right?)
Shelley Kurtz (former Eugene local news anchor, who some found to be “too newsy”)
Corey Feldman (too true…)
Corey Haim (too soon…)
Activision (clearly they’ve never played Pitfall…)
Emmanuel Lewis (Wait, what? What’s their beef with Webster?)
Marc and Casey Boyd (Oregon State Trooper and his wife, the interdepartmental drama is thick in the air…)

Berry Hypocritical
Here’s the deal, Corvallis: I have fruit trees on my property. Don’t stop and eat berries and apples off them. I want those berries and apples for myself. That said, if you have berry or apple trees that hang over a sidewalk, I’m going to help myself to them. I can’t help it, it’s subconscious. The second I get in sight of an apple tree I start tiptoeing around like the Pink Panther. I believe that’s what is meant by the phrase “walking softly, but being a huge d**k.”

Again, not duck.

Spelling Deez
I can’t believe this is stretching into a third week. Corvallis, don’t change a hair for me, not if you care for me.

After poking fun at the spelling of Graand Kinetic Challenge a few weeks ago, I got a friendly explanation from founder Raan Young last week ostensibly clearing it up, Graand Wizards not withstanding…

Now this week a response to Young from one of our readers came in, which took rather pointed issue with Raan’s claims of creatorship. He points out that the race dates back to California in 1969, and included this prickly and positively Reillyan prod at Young:

“Claiming creation credit is like someone who calls Comcast to come install 
cable then claiming credit for creating television itself.”

I believe it was Tolstoy who first said, “Burn dude, burn.”

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1 thought on “Hard Truths

  1. Are you really that clueless about botany, or are you just trolling for more attention like you got by not spending 10 seconds researching the the Graand Kinetic Challenge before riffing on the vowels?

    Tell us where you bought the berry “trees.”

    Maybe I can sell you a bacon tree.

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