Hangovers affect us all differently. I had a friend in college who could go snorkeling in a bottle of Jim Beam until 4 AM and be up for class at 8 no worse for the wear. When I have anything more than 2 drinks in a night, I wake up with a headache that could sink a ship. There are lots of remedies out there, some more scientific than others, but they all “work,” if you just believe… not really.
Here’s a list of some common approaches. Some of these will help you, some will make you hate me. I suppose you’ll just have to test them all by getting hammered. Oh, and be sure to let me know if the eyeballs work.
Water, Lots of Water
Perhaps the most scientifically sound entry. Hangovers are essentially dehydration on steroids, so drinking water in between drinks will help. Drinking a boatload of water the morning after will speed your recovery. In my experience, the key is drinking about 4 glasses of water right before bed. I learned this method from my 10th grade chemistry teacher, and that guy never seemed hungover.
I’ve heard people swear by this for years, but it doesn’t work. So go eat a salad and drink a bunch of water. Unless you want greasy food anyway, in which case, just get it. You’re an adult, after all.
Pickled Sheep Eyeballs
This is a Mongolian remedy, endorsed by the bad guys from The Golden Child – go hit up IMDB.com for that reference. Seriously though, in hypothetical Mongolia people drink tomato juice with pickled sheep eyeballs floating in it. And this is supposedly preferable to the hangover itself.
Apparently a study from China found that the sugar, bubbles and lack of caffeine in Sprite were in just the right proportion to more speedily break down the alcohol in your system. Whether or not it also works with 7-Up, Mellow Yellow, Sierra Mist or one of the other nine hundred citrus sodas is yet to be seen — but it is to be hoped that Beijing is hard at work figuring that out.
These are a purely preventative measure. Chaser is taken before you start drinking, and the pills are the size of scooter tires. They can be purchased at most pharmacy type places and the kinds of establishments where you can by gasoline, cigarettes, whip-its and salvia in the same place. I have tried these, and quite frankly, they made me feel silly, like a bit of a sissy who can’t handle his booze… which I am.
Don’t kid yourself rookie. If it was this easy, you wouldn’t be reading an article on how to solve the riddle of the hangover. But this can help the headache portion slightly. Just remember, use Advil or Aspirin, not Tylenol. Because Tylenol is made of people… just kidding, but it can damage your liver while it is already working overtime.
Saved the best for last. Water is great, but you also need electrolytes, which is just salt dissolved in water. Of course that would taste gross. So in steps a deliciously fruity and lightly salty beverage that is endorsed by Michael Jordan for good reason. He used it on the court, and he uses it after tying one on at the craps table.
by Ygal Kaufman