Cultural Fail: Invisible Bike Failure

HelmetLet’s start like this: Half a thousand bucks for a helmet that only works once, and literally looks like a toilet seat around your neck. Let me count the flaws!

1. Jimmy slaps you really hard on the back, poof it inflates.
2. You slip going out the front door because you’re wearing a huge neck brace and can’t turn your head very well, poof it inflates.
3. You sneeze really, really HARD. Poof. It inflates.
4. You randomly feel the need to just bust a move. That’s right, poof, the damn thing inflates.

Is it possible to set the trigger threshold on this thing in a way that’ll be guaranteed to protect you without going off for no good reason? Maybe, but none of their literature or videos talk about it. They also don’t seem to talk about another thing: the face plant.

This helmet, like others without a face mask, does nothing to stop you from cheese-gratering your face on the asphalt. How often do face plants really occur? Well, often enough to where they got their own catchy name: the face plant. You do the math.

I think I’m getting away from myself, though. What the hell does this thing actually do for you that a normal helmet doesn’t, marginal more protection that’s only been confirmed in lab tests? Oh that’s right, make you more “fashionable.” Because that’s what we’re concerned with, here. Good grief.

by Johnny Beaver